In My Life
by sailorspazz
Summary: Yuki Eiri reflects on his past as he contemplates spending his future with Shuuichi. Is his heart finally ready to open up completely? Story contains manga spoilers, main pairing EirixShuuichi, flashbacks to KitazawaxEiri.
1. Affection

In My Life: Chapter 1

Author notes: Wow, it's been a while since I've written any fanfiction (two whole years now!) I guess it's about time I started up again, huh? So here I am, attempting a Gravitation fanfic. I haven't been into this series for a very long time (only a few months) compared to how long it usually takes me to write fics about series I like (hell, I still haven't even _started_ the Dragonball fic I've been meaning to write for years now). This also means I haven't read a whole lot of fanfiction about the series yet, so I don't know whether the stuff I'm writing about has been done to death already. If it has, I'm sorry, but after watching the series and reading the manga, this is the fic I thought up.

So enough defending myself against possibly non-existent assailants, how about I talk about what the fic is going to be about? I think Eiri and Shuuichi make an absolutely adorable couple, so I decided to write a fic set immediately after the end of the manga that continues the story of their relationship. Well, isn't it just my luck that as soon as I firmly committed to writing this fic, it appears that Murakami-sensei has suddenly decided to continue the manga, more than two years after she stopped writing it! While I absolutely can't wait to see what she adds to the series, it'll probably make anything I write in my continuation null and void as far as the mangaverse goes. Despite this wrench thrown into my plans, I'm still going to write it as I originally envisioned, even if Murakami-sensei's new manga goes in a completely different direction.

Now entering paragraph three of my author notes (and if you've read any of my other fics, you should know that my notes can be longer than other writer's entire fanfics) I'll talk a little more specifically about content and stuff. The main pairing will EirixShuuichi (possibly reversible...yes, you heard me! Shuu-chan deserves seme action, dammit!), with flashbacks to KitazawaxEiri. In fact, the fic will contain a whole bunch of flashbacks, and they'll probably make up the bulk of the content. The premise is that Eiri is reflecting on his life while he and Shuuichi spend time in New York. So, despite the fact that it starts with a long flashback to when he was sixteen, the present day pieces (none of which I actually get to in this chapter) are all happening after the end of the manga, so it goes without saying that this fic contains manga spoilers up to and including the end of volume 12. The title is taken from a Beatles song...for the second time, I'm using a song title as the title of my fic, and though it's not a song fic, the song will come up at a later point in the story (though not in the form of karaoke this time ;P) It was a song that the ensemble choir I was in my senior year of high school kind of adopted as our "signature song" that year, and one day while trying to think of a title for this fic I remembered that song, and I felt the lyrics kind of fit the theme I was going for.

SO, now that your eyes are tired from reading all that dribble, are you ready to get to the actual fic? Good! Just read the following warnings/disclaimers and you're set: Names are given in Japanese order (family name first), and Japanese honorifics are used (if you can find me English words that differentiate between -san and -kun, then maybe I'll reconsider), but the fic won't contain any "fan Japanese" like random "baka"s and "nani"s (if you want that, try reading my first fic...yikes!) Shuuichi belongs to Eiri, Eiri belongs to Shuuichi, and neither one belongs to me...le sigh

Chapter completed: 2005.03.29

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In My Life

Chapter 1: Affection

Author: Sailorspazz

o o o o o o o o o o

"Mmm...Sensei..." Eiri moaned as his lips were once again claimed by his teacher.

Yuki slipped his tongue into his gorgeous young student's mouth, moving it sensually in time Eiri's eager yet inexperienced prodding. He broke off the kiss after several long moments and moved his mouth over to press directly against one of Eiri's sensitive ears. "What is it, Eiri-kun?" he whispered softly.

Eiri shuddered in delight and let out another low moan as Yuki began nibbling on his ear, slowly moving down until he was nipping at the blonde's pale neck. "Sensei...I love you."

Yuki looked at Eiri and smiled. "I know, Eiri-kun. I've known for a long time." He chuckled and placed a gentle hand on his student's face. "But don't you think it's a bit awkward to keep politely calling me 'Sensei' in a situation like this?"

Eiri blushed. "I guess so. Sorry, Yuki, I'm just so used to calling you that."

Yuki ran his fingers through Eiri's short blonde locks. "It's okay. I know that you're used to always playing the nice, polite, intelligent young man." He moved his face closer, looking deeply into Eiri's bright amber eyes. "But there's another side to you, isn't there? There's a side of you that doesn't give a damn about studying, a side that just wants to cut loose and have some fun, especially of the...carnal variety." His hand moved down to caress the growing bulge in Eiri's pants. "Am I right?"

"Yes." Eiri gasped at the sensation of being touched in an intimate way by another person, and protested when that hand left his groin. His tutor cupped his face with both hands.

"Do you want me to help you unleash that side?"

"Oh, god, yes," Eiri answered without hesitation. The lips of the young student and the tutor he admired so crushed together as Yuki began to unbutton Eiri's stiff white shirt.

Eiri could hardly believe what was happening. The day had started out as normally as any other, with his teacher Kitazawa Yuki coming over in the morning to give him his lessons for the day. Touma had left before he came over and would be gone for several hours. After returning the homework that Eiri had turned in a couple of days beforehand (100 percent correct, as always), Yuki began his normal teaching routine. First was math, which Eiri hated even though he was extremely good at it. Then came writing, which the young man obviously had a great passion for. Yuki made the usual comments that he believed Eiri should become a writer, making Eiri blush and smile as he always did. The next subject was science and health, more specifically health this particular day, and even more specifically sexual education.

Eiri was quite uncomfortable hearing about such things from the man he had fallen in love with, but he tried to maintain his composure by keeping his eyes on his paper and studiously taking notes, even as images of himself performing sexual acts with his teacher danced in his head. Yuki seemed to notice the change in his student's demeanor, and asked him what was wrong, placing his hands on Eiri's shoulders. The physical contact definitely didn't help Eiri to maintain self control, and before his brain could tell him to stop he found himself with his lips pressed up against those of his very surprised teacher. Eiri blushed and apologized and said he would understand if Yuki didn't want to teach him anymore, but he was shocked as his tutor smiled and leaned forward to give him another kiss. The two quickly made their way over to Eiri's bed, where they had passionately begun to get more intimate.

Now Eiri was completely nude, his teacher lying on top of him with his shirt unbuttoned. "Are you sure you want to go through with this, Eiri?"

"Definitely." The young man reached up to slide Yuki's shirt off of him, allowing him his first close up glimpse of the older man's nicely muscled chest and rippling abs. He'd been attracted to him for quite some time, and seeing his tutor half-naked right in front of him proved to be even more thrilling. Those soft lips reached down to join with his once more as a pair of experienced hands began to explore his young virginal body. He smirked inwardly as his tongue danced in time with his teacher's. 'Well, I won't be a virgin for very much longer.'

"Eiri-kun?"

Eiri-_kun_? Hadn't Yuki dropped the -kun when he'd addressed him just moments before?

"Eiri-kun, are you in there?"

Shit. The voice wasn't that of his beloved tutor, it was Touma. And though Eiri was indeed in his room lying in bed, Yuki wasn't with him. Well, technically he was there in the picture that Eiri held in one hand as his other hand busily worked on the erection that had been invoked by his fantasies about his teacher. But no time to worry about technicalities. If Touma ever caught him beating off to a picture of his teacher, he would fire Yuki for sure. He could tell that the two of them didn't like each other, and he knew Touma was looking for any reason to get Yuki out of his life. Eiri quickly shoved the photo of Yuki and himself under his pillow and zipped up his pants as he practically leaped from his bed to his desk halfway across the room, where his math book was already open (he'd learned from past close calls that Touma was quite observant and would ask him why he were sitting at his desk claiming to be studying when he had no books in front of him). "Yes, Touma-san?"

The door to the bedroom clicked open and Touma entered, leaving Eiri feeling silently grateful that his desk chair faced away from the door so Touma couldn't see the erection still evident in his pants. "So here you are. I just wanted to remind you that I have business tomorrow morning and I won't be around to wake you up, so make sure you set your alarm. It would be rude if you were still sleeping when Kitazawa-san showed up, after all." Rudeness to Yuki was hardly what Touma was concerned about; he was more worried about what Yuki would do if he entered the apartment to find an angelic looking Eiri still asleep in his bed. Touma had little doubt that the man was attracted to Eiri, and though he didn't really trust him to be alone with the young man, sometimes he had no choice. Besides, he felt confident that Eiri would be able to defend himself if Yuki made any unwanted advances toward him, though the young man's somewhat suspicious behavior in regards to his teacher as of late sometimes made Touma wonder whether such advances would really be unwelcome. His thoughts were interrupted as the younger blonde answered him.

"I know, Touma-san. I'll make sure to set it good and early."

"Better make that loud, too. You sleep so soundly, I believe World War III could go on right outside your window and you would completely miss it. I usually have to yell at you at least five times each morning before you even begin to stir."

"Okay, okay, I'll be sure to get up on time," Eiri said, sounding exasperated. He was still fairly aroused from his earlier fantasy, and he'd rather be getting back to his "unfinished business" than having inane conversations about his sleeping habits.

"Good." Touma frowned slightly as he looked at the young man a little more closely. "Eiri-kun, do you have a fever? You look a little flushed."

An even brighter blush spread across his face. "Eh? Uh, no, I don't have a fever, it's just a little hot in here. Maybe you could turn the heat down or something?"

Touma laughed. "I guess it is up a little high, isn't it? It was pretty chilly outside, and I turned it up higher than normal so I could warm up more quickly when I got home. I must have forgotten to turn it back down. Well, good night, Eiri-kun. Make sure you get to sleep soon so you can get up early enough tomorrow."

"Yes, Touma-san. Goodnight to you, too." The door clicked shut again and Eiri leaned back in his chair with a sigh. Well, Touma's extended presence had effectively killed his erection, no point in trying to continue his fantasy now. He begrudgingly pulled out the math homework he had started earlier that afternoon, deciding that since he had been pretending to study to cover up his fantasizing he might as well actually study now that he wasn't in the mood anymore.

Eiri couldn't recall exactly when he'd begun to have such strong feelings for his tutor. Hell, he'd never even considered the possibility that he might be gay until fairly recently. While living in Japan, he'd never learned very much about homosexuality. He didn't hear much about it either positively or negatively because it was something that was pretty much ignored by society at large. Even the Buddhist texts he'd been forced to study when he was younger hadn't really mentioned it.

When he moved to America after completing elementary school, he saw a completely different societal view of gay relationships. Rather than sweeping the issue under the rug, people talked about it openly, both supporters and detractors. He'd even heard talk about legalizing same-sex marriage. He looked down at his paper, the words "Uesugi Eiri" written neatly in kanji staring back at him. Gay marriage, huh? He erased the two characters making up "Uesugi" and, after a slight hesitation, replaced them with two new kanji. Kitazawa Eiri. He could feel a blush and involuntary grin spread across his features. He almost felt like giggling. 'I'm no better than a goddamn school girl,' Eiri thought in slight disgust as he quickly erased what he had written and replaced it with his proper name. He kind of liked the sound of the name he had come up with, actually. If he did become a writer like Yuki was encouraging him to do, he figured he would probably take a pen name, since the name Uesugi reminded him too much of a childhood he'd rather forget. And if it just so happened that gay marriage were to become legalized, and it also just so happened that he ended up in a serious relationship with his tutor, then he felt he wouldn't mind taking his name if they ever...Eiri felt himself blushing again. He knew that his thoughts were completely unrealistic, but he still found them incredibly appealing.

He didn't know why his feelings had changed from simple admiration of a mentor to being full out in love with the man. He certainly didn't _want_ to have those sorts of feelings. It wasn't that he thought being gay was necessarily a bad thing, it was the fact that having those feelings made him even more of an outsider in society. He'd seen firsthand growing up how hard it was to be ostracized from his peers when the kids in school made fun of him for his non-Japanese appearance. He'd already dealt with people calling him "half-breed" and "bookworm"; he hardly needed to add "faggot" to the list.

At first he tried to deny what was happening when he noticed he was beginning to view his teacher differently, when he was starting to blush and feel flustered just from being in his very presence. My feelings are changing because I'm getting older, he thought. Adults feel things differently than kids do, so this is just a part of growing up. He was able to convince himself of that for awhile, but as soon as the sexual fantasies started he couldn't deny the truth anymore. He had fallen in love with Yuki. And he was quite sure that Yuki had feelings for him, too, which he believed was a large part of the reason why Touma hated him so much. In fact, he had a feeling that Yuki had been attracted to him long before Eiri had first felt stirrings of the same. He may not have noticed the way Yuki looked at him when he was a naive twelve-year-old, but he certainly noticed it at sixteen, and he desperately wanted to let his teacher know that the feelings were mutual. However, Eiri was too shy and too afraid of the consequences of confessing if Yuki _didn't_ really like him that way. He would probably want to quit teaching him if he found out that his student was having nasty thoughts about him, and Eiri couldn't bear the thought of not being able to ever see Yuki again. For now, he was content to simply be in his presence, and hope that the significant glances he often sent in his teacher's direction would give him the hint that Eiri was interested and, ideally, spark him to make the first move so Eiri wouldn't have to take the risk of being rejected.

Eiri sent a glare down to his math homework, which didn't seem to be completing itself as he dwelled on his personal issues. He shook his head and blocked everything relating to Yuki out of his mind as he quickly used the formulas written in his notes to solve the equations, finishing in minutes math problems that would probably take most kids his age an hour to complete. Then again, most kids his age weren't studying calculus, either, so it was hard to make a comparison. He sighed. Weren't people who were smart and beautiful supposed to have wonderful lives that made everyone else envious? Why couldn't he get over his fear and go after the one thing that would make his life complete? He couldn't keep living like this forever. He had to let Yuki know how he felt, even though he knew he might not get the reaction he wanted. He couldn't just keep spending all of his time wondering how Yuki might feel about him. It was time to find out for sure.

Eiri made his way over to his bed, making sure to set his alarm (and turning up the volume as Touma had recommended) before climbing under the covers to indulge in sweet dreams about his tutor as he slept.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Before he knew it, Eiri found himself being rudely awaken from his peaceful slumber by the annoying chirpings of his alarm clock. He barely resisted the urge to hit the snooze alarm and fall back into his bed. The only thing that inspired him to get into gear was the thought that Yuki would arriving at his house in about an hour, and he wanted to make sure he was ready and looking good for him.

He made his way to the shower, contemplating the decision he'd made last night. Did he really have the guts to tell his tutor how he felt? It was hard living with his feelings bottled up inside him, but the fear of those feelings pushing his teacher away still weighed heavily on his mind. He shook his head. The consequences didn't matter, he had to do it. Today was the perfect opportunity since Touma wasn't at home. There would be no interruptions. He was going to make his confession.

Eiri dressed himself in his normal attire of neat wrinkle-free slacks and a stiff button-up shirt. He couldn't understand how other guys his age could walk around in sloppy jeans that practically hung from their knees and ratty backwards baseball caps. How could anyone possibly think that looked good? Eiri preferred to look nice, especially when he knew he was going to meet with Yuki.

There was still about a half an hour until his teacher arrived, and Eiri began to fidget. He felt too nervous to eat, but figured he might as well eat something just to pass the time. He finished off a bowl of cereal and looked at the clock again. Twenty-five minutes left. To avoid going insane with anxiety, he turned on the television. He was fairly surprised at how quickly he'd managed to pick up English these past few years, and as he watched the morning news there were only a couple of words that he didn't understand. Perhaps he could ask Yuki about them, as his English was nearly flawless. Eiri sighed at the thought of his teacher...he wondered what else he might be good at. He quickly stopped himself from allowing his thoughts to go down that road. Yuki would be arriving soon, and it would hardly be appropriate to greet him at the door with an erection.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity in his young lovesick mind, the doorbell rang. His heart was already beginning to nearly beat out of his chest at the thought of spending the day alone with his tutor. He opened the door and greeted the warm smiling face of Kitazawa Yuki with an easy grin of his own. "Good morning, Sensei."

"Good morning, Eiri-kun." He looked around the room, waiting for Touma to come give him thinly veiled icy glares and venom-laced polite conversation like he usually did. "Is Seguchi-kun not here today?"

"Oh, he's out today doing errands...or something." Actually, Eiri didn't remember why Touma had gone out that day. The only thought that had crossed his mind when he heard the news was how glad he would be to be alone with Yuki.

"Oh, well, shall we get started then? I was hoping we could finish your lessons early. I have a surprise for you today."

"A surprise? Really? What is it?" Eiri was quite flattered that his teacher was planning something special just for him.

"Ah, ah, ah, you won't find out until we finish your lessons. Now, do you have the math homework I assigned you yesterday?"

"Of course. It was pretty hard, I really had to think about some of the problems," Eiri lied. The more he pretended like he had trouble with his homework, the more time and attention he would get from Yuki .

Yuki briefly glanced over the paper Eiri handed to him. All of the questions, answers and work were presented neatly in Eiri's small elegant handwriting, with nary a stray eraser mark on the page. Eiri could at least try to make it _look_ like he'd had trouble with the problems, not that Yuki would believe it even if he did go to the effort to solve equations incorrectly and cross out or erase them. He hardly even bothered to grade Eiri's work anymore since the boy always got all of the answers right anyway. The stuff he was currently teaching was so advanced Yuki himself barely even understood it, but Eiri seemed to have a knack for absorbing facts and formulas and spitting them back out when needed. The kid was truly amazing. However, despite the fact that he could easily make a good career using his talents in the fields of math and science, Eiri seemed set on becoming a writer, a career path that held much less stability in comparison. Yuki could tell it was something the young man was passionate about, though, so he encouraged him to sharpen his writing skills. It soon became clear that Eiri had great talent in that subject, as well. He was so perfect it was almost maddening. "Well, I'll make sure to return this to you tomorrow and let you know if there are any mistakes. Now, as for today's lesson..."

Eiri was so excited he could barely concentrate on the velvety smooth voice he was usually so captivated by. Yuki had a surprise? What could it be? Was it possible that...Eiri paused in his thoughts. He didn't want to get his hopes up. But still, he couldn't help wonder about the possibility that Yuki may be planning to confess that he had feelings for him. Well, why couldn't it happen? Eiri was fairly sure that it was true, and it would definitely fit in the category of a special surprise for him. He could hardly wait for his lessons to be over.

With Eiri taking notes at breakneck speed, it took them only a couple of hours to finish all of the lesson plan for the day. "So, Eiri-kun, did you read the article in today's newspaper about the new exhibit at the museum?"

"No. What kind of exhibit is it?"

"Ancient Egyptian artifacts. I know you have an interest in ancient cultures, so I was thinking you and I could go there today."

"Really? You and I...I mean, ancient Egypt, wow, that sounds like it could be really interesting. I'd love to go." Eiri was a bit disappointed that Yuki's big surprise was a trip to the museum, but he was excited to go since it meant spending the day with Yuki outside of their usual student-teacher environment.

"Great. Let's go, Eiri-kun."

Eiri could barely contain the grin threatening to split his face in half. 'A date! A date! We're going on a date!' Okay, maybe it wasn't a real date, but it was good enough for Eiri. Maybe spending some time together would make it easier for Eiri to work up the courage to tell Yuki how he felt.

Eiri felt like he was on cloud nine the entire time he was on his self-described "date." They had lunch together, they visited the museum together, and for once Eiri felt like he could really talk to his teacher about things other than studying. He couldn't imagine feeling any happier than this.

"You know, Eiri-kun, I have a book back at my apartment on ancient Egypt. It's got a lot of interesting pictures, and you could use the text portions to practice your English. Would you like to come over and see it?"

Okay, _now_ Eiri could imagine being happier. "Sure!" As he answered, the thought that Touma had told him _never _to go to Yuki's apartment briefly crossed his mind, but he quickly dismissed it. Fuck Touma, what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Eiri was more interested in spending some _real_ alone time with his tutor in a place where there was no way Touma could burst in and ruin everything if things happened to go the way Eiri planned.

Since his apartment was not too far from the museum, the two of them decided to walk, with Eiri mentally trying to work out how his confession should go the whole way there. "Here we are," Yuki said, opening the door for his student to enter. The apartment wasn't all that elaborately furnished, but there were quite a few bookshelves.

"Wow. It's so nice."

"Oh, it's nothing much, really." They entered the living room and older man walked over to one of the bookshelves and handed a hardcover book with a picture of the Sphinx on the cover to Eiri. "Here's the book I told you about. Sit down and make yourself comfortable, I'll get us something to drink. Would you like some juice?"

"Yes, please." Eiri sat down on the couch and opened the book. 'I can't believe it, I'm really here!' He breathed in deeply, trying to fill his lungs with the essence of his teacher. He was a bit nervous thinking about what he was planning to do, but the fact that Yuki had brought him here was a boost to his courage. There was no reason Yuki couldn't have just brought the book to Eiri's place when he came over to teach the following day, after all. He must have had some other motive for specifically wanting to bring Eiri to his apartment, and Eiri could only think of one reason why Yuki would take him there.

Yuki reentered the room and set a glass of juice down on the coffee table. "Here you go. Did you find any words you don't understand?" He sat down next to Eiri on the couch, close enough so that their legs were touching each other.

"Oh, uhh..." Eiri had hardly even looked at the book in his lap, and now he was becoming quite flustered at the proximity of his teacher. He quickly scanned the page for a difficult looking word. "What does this word mean?"

"Sarcophagus? It a type of coffin."

"Wow, Sensei, you're so smart." Eiri flashed a smile of admiration at Yuki. His teacher smiled back, though Eiri noticed that his expression was a bit different than normal.

"Eiri-kun."

"Yes?"

Yuki leaned toward his student ever so slightly. "You're blushing."

"Eh?" Eiri felt his cheeks, finding that they were very warm. Now was the time to fess up. "Well, I...I guess that's because I...I mean, the truth is, for awhile now I've felt like I'm, um, uh..." Why couldn't he say it? His mind was screaming out 'I love you' but his mouth could not form the words. He felt his teacher's finger touch his lips.

"It's okay, Eiri-kun. I know what you're trying to say." He leaned forward and brushed his lips against those of an extremely shocked Eiri.

Eiri was almost too surprised to do anything at first, but quickly snapped out of it and kissed his teacher back eagerly. 'Holy crap, is this really happening?' Yuki's tongue suddenly entered his mouth, and his own tongue moved clumsily to meet it. The older man's hands roamed his body, and he could feel him trying to push Eiri into lying down on the couch. Things were moving a bit quickly for the boy who had just received his first kiss, but he said nothing in protest. After all, this was what he had wanted. Did it really matter whether it happened now as opposed to sometime in the near future? He loved his teacher, and if Yuki wished to take his virginity at that very moment, he would gladly give it up.

Before they got any further, the doorbell rang. "Shit. They're here already?" Eiri was quite surprised to hear such harsh language coming from his teacher's mouth, but even more disturbing was how that anger quickly dissipated and was replaced seamlessly with the same bright smile he usually wore. "You wait right here, Eiri-kun. I'll be back in a minute."

Eiri reclined on the couch as Yuki left the room, undoing a couple of the buttons on his shirt in order to look more appealing to his teacher when he came back. It was just his luck that as soon as things were finally going as he'd planned they had to get interrupted. He supposed it didn't matter much. Yuki could just tell whoever was at the door to fuck off and then they could continue his greatest fantasy come to life.

Little did Eiri know that his fantasy was about to turn into a nightmare.

o o o o o o o o o o

Spazz: Dun dun DUN! I'm an evil bitch for cutting it off there. I really thought I would be able to get through this first flashback in one chapter, but then it turned out to be 7500 words long! That's a bit daunting for a first chapter, so I decided to cut it back to a more manageable (though still pretty long, compared to other fanfics) 5000 and throw the remainder of it at the start of the next chapter. So the good news is that I have a good chunk of the next chapter already completed, and perhaps this means I will finally manage to write a fic without painfully slow updates between chapters. Of course, now that I've graduated from college and am unemployed, what else do I have to do with my time besides write? (oh, yeah, look for real work :P). But anyway! I'd love to hear what people think about this, even though nothing much really happens in this chapter (my shoujo-esque writing style in which you learn a lot about the characters' feelings while nothing happens around them is apparently continuing).

Eiri: (Smoking) It sucks. You suck, too, and you should stop writing.

Shuuichi: Wah, Yuki, you're so mean! Those are special words for just the two of us! How can you go and say them to just anyone? You slut! I'll commit seppuku right here! (pulls out sword)

Eiri: (Blows smoke in Shuuichi's face) Shut up, you stupid brat. I'll give my opinion to anyone I damn well please.

Shuuichi: (Cough) Okay, well at least tell me this. Who sucks more, me or her?

Eiri: (Takes another drag, thinking deeply) You do.

Shuuichi: I win! Yaaay! Yuki, I lo- (falls to the floor as Eiri sidesteps his attempted glomping)

Eiri: (Twitching) Don't take it as a compliment, idiot.

Spazz: OK, so Yuki-sama thinks I suck, but what about the rest of you? Let me know with your reviews, and remember that flames will be mocked for my amusement on my website:P Until next time...


	2. I Still Can Recall

In My Life: Chapter 2

teH aweSOmE NoTEs: La li hoooo! Time for another chapter of fun (well, maybe not that much fun, considering what happens in poor little Eiri's flashback :( ) In this chapter, we finally get to some present day bits, hooray! And then we dive right back into another flashback;P (but one that's a lot more recent than the first). What can I say, Yuki-sama's got a lot on his pretty little mind. Anyway, enjoy, and please review!

Disclaimer, courtesy of Eiri: "The writing obviously sucks too much to have been done by Murakami-sensei, so I don't know why you'd think this crazy fangirl owns us."

Chapter completed: 2005.04.12

o o o o o o o o o o

In My Life

Chapter 2: I Still Can Recall

Written by: Sailorspazz

o o o o o o o o o o

Yuki reentered the living room with two men Eiri had never seen before. The boy immediately rose from his horizontal position on the couch to being seated so as not to appear rude. He noticed that everyone in the room seemed to be focusing on him and became very uneasy. Something was simply not right with the atmosphere.

"You weren't kidding, Yuki, the kid really is a looker," one of the men said in English, as Eiri half wished he didn't understand what was being said. "Hey, I'll give you ten bucks if you let me go first."

Eiri looked at his teacher in desperation. Surely he was misunderstanding the situation and Yuki would say something to assuage his concerns. But the expression on the older man's face was a horrible one Eiri had never seen before, one that showed he felt no remorse for the situation he was putting his student in. "Sure, go ahead." Those words stabbed into his heart and he barely noticed the two strangers advancing toward him. They proceeded to drag him from the couch onto the floor.

"W-what are you doing? Please, stop!" Eiri protested in English, but the men ignored his pleas and pushed him into a prone position, the larger of the two looming ominously above him as he straddled the boy's hips.

Yuki knelt down and cupped the boy's face in his hand. "Relax, Eiri-kun, everything will be fine. After all, you like men, don't you?" Eiri could not believe his ears. How could his teacher interpret Eiri's feelings for him to mean that he would be okay with being raped by two strangers? What had happened to the kind, gentle man he had come to admire and love the past few years?

The man above him moved to undo Eiri's belt buckle. "No! Please stop, I don't want to-" Eiri's words were cut off with a gasp as he felt cold steel against his temple.

"Now, now, be a good boy. We don't want to have to resort to necrophilia here. We just want to have a little fun with you," the second man said, pushing his gun firmly in place against Eiri's skull. The larger man continued in his effort to undress him, leaving him naked from the waist down and then forcibly pulled his legs apart. Eiri wanted to scream as he felt the man roughly trying to enter him, but facing the prospect of getting his brains blown out he didn't dare make a sound.

"Holy shit, this kid's tight. I guess you were right about him being a virgin." The man shoved harder and finally managed to force himself inside the blonde boy. Tears of pain and disbelief slid down Eiri's cheeks, but he remained silent. The man raping him would probably enjoy hearing him squeal in pain, and he didn't want to give him that pleasure.

He looked over to the couch where his teacher was sitting to see if there was any sign that he was regretting what he was doing and was horrified to see Yuki with a hand down his pants, contentedly stroking his erection. He was actually _enjoying_ watching Eiri suffer. At that moment he felt something snap inside his mind. He was suddenly filled with rage, and all he could think about was how he was going to make these men who were degrading and humiliating him suffer. They were all going to pay dearly for this.

"Woo, that was great." The man who had paid for his right to go first finally finished and pulled out of the young blonde.

"Maybe for you, but now he's gonna be all stretched out when we get our turns," the second man said with a laugh as he pulled the gun away from Eiri's head, meaning to hand it off to his friend as they switched places.

"Well, he should still be...what the-" His words were cut short as Eiri grabbed the gun from the second man and used it to put a bullet into the man who had forcibly stolen his virginity.

"Holy shit, Yuki, this kid's gone-" Another bullet, another sentence cut short as the speaker's life ended.

Yuki stood up from the couch, his expression changing over to the kind, gentle one that Eiri was accustomed to seeing. Eiri could no longer believe that it was sincere, nor that it ever had been. "All right, calm down now, Eiri-kun. Put down the gun and we can talk about this." The older man began to walk closer to a quivering Eiri.

"S-stay back! Don't come any closer, or I'll..." He was unable to finish his sentence, but in his mind the resolve was still there. The man before him had betrayed him in the worst way imaginable, and in his rage Eiri would not hesitate to protect himself from this man who had transformed into a hideous stranger before his very eyes.

"You'll shoot me?" Yuki let out a vile laugh as he continued to move closer to the boy. "Do you really think you could go through with it? After all, weren't you going to say earlier that you lo-" Eiri sent one more bullet flying, this one piercing the heart of the man he had loved. He fell to his knees shaking, suddenly disturbed by the eerie silence of the room. He looked in horror at the three corpses around him. What had he done?

"EIRI-KUN! Eiri-kun, are you in there!" He registered the sounds of a familiar voice sounding unfamiliarly frantic and the front door being shoved open. Running footsteps came closer and closer until they stopped at the entrance to the living room. "Oh, my god, Eiri-kun."

Eiri looked up, still in shock from what had happened only minutes before. "Touma-san..." he said weakly. The full impact of the situation finally hit him as the older blonde ran over and embraced him. Sobs wracked the boy's delicate frame, his mind barely registering the words of comfort Touma attempted to sooth him with.

o o o o o o o o o o

Touma had returned to his home late that afternoon after a day of errands and work-related business. He had expected to find Eiri there, perhaps having started dinner since Touma was returning around the time when they normally ate. Instead, he found a hastily written note saying that Eiri had gone with Yuki to the museum and would be back in time for dinner. Touma got an uneasy feeling just from reading those words. Eiri should be back by now, so why was there no sign of him? Reminding himself that it wasn't a good idea to begin panicking when Eiri could very well be in the house somewhere--the kid was often very quiet, after all--he decided to take a look around, calling out for Eiri as he went from room to room.

He reached the boy's bedroom and knocked softly. Receiving no reply, he opened the door and turned on the light, finding no sign that Eiri had been there in the last several hours. He was about to close the door when he noticed something sticking out from under Eiri's pillow. Curiously, he crossed the room and pulled the object in question out of its hiding place for closer inspection. It was a photo of Eiri and Yuki. The bad feeling Touma had had earlier suddenly worsened exponentially. "Shit." Anyone who knew him would have been surprised to hear such a curse from the usually polite man, but there was no time to worry about proper language when he was suddenly feeling dreadfully concerned for the safety of the young man he had cared for these past several years.

Touma raced to his car at lightening speed, quickly jumping in and speeding down the streets of New York, tracing the quickest route he knew to Yuki's apartment building. If that bastard had done anything to Eiri, he would be dead. Touma would strangle him with his own bare hands if he had to. He began cursing once more as he found himself stuck at the back of a traffic jam. "God dammit, what the fuck are all these people doing on the road? Get the hell out of my way!" He began honking the horn angrily as he screamed obscenities. He briefly considered driving on the sidewalk, then realized he was getting out of control and took a deep breath to calm down. He didn't even know whether Eiri was in trouble or not, and it wouldn't be wise to risk injuring innocent bystanders just to get to the boy. To the dismay of the other drivers, he put his car into park where it stood on the road and got out to run the several remaining blocks to the apartment, all the while praying that the horrible feeling in his gut was wrong.

He reached the building out of breath and used all of his might to force open the door to the apartment Yuki was renting. He was shocked to find Eiri half naked with a gun in his shaking hands surrounded by three dead bodies. He ran over and wrapped his arms around him, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with guilt. "I'm sorry, Eiri-kun. This is all my fault."

Several hours later, Touma was once again in his car, driving back to his apartment with a miserable Eiri curled up in the backseat. They were coming back from the hospital, where doctors had told them that Eiri had not suffered any permanent physical damage from his attack, but would most likely require counseling to help him through the trauma mentally. Touma had also been thankful to hear from police officers at the scene of the incident that it was unlikely charges would be pressed against the boy, since he was a minor who had been raped under the threat of a weapon and had killed in self-defense. That was somewhat of a relief, but the news was of little comfort to Eiri. The reality that he had taken three lives was really beginning to set in, and he had barely said a word ever since Touma had found him. However, there was one thing Touma needed to get straight. "You loved him, didn't you, Eiri-kun?"

Eiri's eyes widened for a moment, then filled with tears. Yes, he had really killed the man he loved. He nodded weakly. "How did you know?"

"The picture in your room. Most students don't keep photos of their teacher under their pillow unless..." Touma didn't finish his sentence and a surprised Eiri watched as he punched the steering wheel. "Dammit, I should have done something when I first saw the signs! Then none of this would have ever happened!"

"Even if you had fired him, I probably would have found a way to keep seeing him. It's not your fault, Touma-san. I should have listened to you and never gone over there." Eiri's voice began to crack as his tears threatened to spill over.

"No, Eiri-kun, if I had have fired him years ago when I first got the feeling that he had some sort of attraction to you, you would have never had the chance to start having those same feelings for him." Touma felt like he was about to break down crying from the horrible guilt plaguing him, but he knew that would be of no comfort to the boy in the backseat who had gone through hell that day. He took another deep calming breath and tried to recall the reasoning he had heard from the police officers earlier that day. "I'm sorry, Eiri-kun, we shouldn't be thinking like this. The fact is, we are not the ones to blame for this situation. Kitazawa Yuki and his friends are the ones who did something wrong, not you and I, and now they have been punished for their deeds."

"Well, too bad my life's not a goddamn fairytale where everything's okay because the bad guys got punished."

Upon hearing those harsh, cynical words from the boy behind him, Touma realized that he would never see the happy, smiling young man he had known and loved ever again. Eiri would be forever changed by this.

They soon arrived at their apartment, where Touma lifted the younger man out of the car and carried him inside, an awkward task since Eiri was now taller than Touma himself. He deposited the boy on his bed and pulled the covers up around him. "If you need anything, just let me know, okay?" Eiri nodded and Touma left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

Eiri laid completely still for several moments until he believed Touma had walked off down the hallway. When he was sure he couldn't be heard, he turned his face into his pillow and screamed at the top of his lungs as he began to sob uncontrollably, even harder than he had when Touma had first found him at Yuki's apartment. Yuki...he'd _killed_ him. He didn't want to believe it was true, but the scene kept playing over and over in his mind. He hadn't wanted to do it, but he had been too scared and angry to do anything else. He couldn't understand why his teacher had put him in such a position. Had he just been using him the whole time he had known him? Had he really never had any genuine feelings for Eiri? Was his kindness all these years just an act to make Eiri vulnerable to his advances? He hated to think that these things could be true, but the more he thought about it the more it all made sense. Even so, in his heart he couldn't feel any hatred toward the man. He still loved him, even after what had happened. He would always love him.

Touma had stayed right next to the door to Eiri's room and heard his muffled screams and cries. He almost reentered the room, but then backed away from the door. There was a reason Eiri had waited until he left the room to break down. The boy hadn't been alone at all since his ordeal and probably needed some time to work out his feelings by himself, without someone sitting next to him telling him not to feel bad about what happened. The sound of the boy's sobs broke Touma's heart, as he still couldn't help but feel like he was mostly at fault. There was nothing he could do to fix things now, but he could at least help start Eiri's healing process. Touma looked through the phonebook, picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Yes, hello, I would like to book two plane tickets from New York to the Kansai Airport, please."

Eiri's body quickly grew exhausted from his laborious crying session, but even as his body drifted off to sleep, his mind continued to swirl with the questions that still haunted him.

Why did you do this, Yuki?

I loved you...I still do...

Why, Yuki?

Yuki...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Yuki? Yuki, are you awake?"

Eiri faintly registered the sound of a familiar young voice and the feeling of something hard against his cheek. He slowly opened his eyes and found that he was in an uncomfortable airplane seat with his head resting against the shoulder of a certain pink-haired rock star. He lifted his head and bent his neck in the opposite direction to get out the kink that had formed while he slept. "Why the hell did you wake me up, brat?" he said with a yawn.

Shuuichi puffed up his cheeks in a cute little pout. "We're going to be landing soon. I guess next time I should just leave you sleeping on the plane and see where you end up if you're going to be so mean about being woken up." He crossed his arms and turned away from Eiri.

"Well, maybe I wouldn't be so cranky if you hadn't woken me up all those other times for no damn reason at all." Seeing that Shuuichi was about to protest, Eiri quickly continued. "And, no, wanting to wake me up 'just to chat' does not qualify as a reason." Frankly, he was surprised that Shuuichi had actually managed to not bother him for the past couple hours. He had probably talked the ear off of some unfortunate nearby passenger. Eiri noticed the empty plastic tray on Shuuichi's tray table and frowned. "I see you didn't bother to wake me up to eat."

"Well, before you went to sleep last time you told me not to bug you again until we got to New York, so I thought-"

Eiri pressed a finger to his now throbbing temple. "Like I said, if there's a _reason_ for you to wake me up..." He trailed off and sighed. Shuuichi had actually done what he had told him for once, so it wasn't fair to get mad at him for that. Though he had taken his instructions a bit more literally than he had intended, the idiot had still managed to restrain himself and not bother him for over two hours, so he had to give him credit for trying. Eiri also knew that a large part of his current irritation was due to the fact that the transcontinental flight had meant an unbearably long amount of time in which he couldn't smoke a cigarette, and Shuuichi couldn't be blamed for his lack of nicotine. He used to not care about the fairness of taking things out on Shuuichi that weren't his fault, but lately he had begun to feel bad about it. Damn conscience...

Shuuichi saw Eiri's hand coming toward him and flinched instinctively as he waited for the expected bonk on the head, but instead Eiri patted the top of his head affectionately like he were a faithful dog. "Whatever. If we're landing soon, I can just get something to eat at the airport." Shuuichi smiled and blushed slightly as his lover moved his hand down to rest on top of his own on the armrest. He wasn't used to Eiri acting so tenderly with him in public. Knowing that Eiri was probably enjoying the moment too, he decided to not ruin things by saying something to make Eiri mad and just sat in silence reveling in the gentle touch of his lover's hand.

Eiri gazed out the window as he recalled the dream he had been having before Shuuichi woke him up. Actually, dream wasn't really the right word; it was more like he had been reliving his past while he slept. Ever since he had gone off his stabilizing medication his memories had been coming back more clearly, and this particular time was the clearest he had ever remembered his last few days of living in New York.

He and Touma left very soon after the incident, and to combat his constant oscillation between depression and cynicism he immediately began to attend therapy and was put on medication. This helped to take away his depression, but Eiri remained emotionally scarred from what had happened to him, even as he started to forget exactly what had taken place. He didn't trust people at all, especially men, and he didn't really care about anything--or anyone--anymore.

Eiri began attending a Japanese high school once he returned to Kyoto, fully expecting to receive the same crappy treatment from other students that he had endured during grade school. Instead, he found that rather than being ridiculed as a "half-breed" he was now labeled an "exotic beauty." A lot of his peers were dying their hair anyway, so now his un-Japanese looks were not so unusual; in fact, they were even envied by many students who desperately wished to distinguish themselves as individuals in a society that stressed conformity.

Even Eiri's above-average intelligence was viewed differently by his classmates than it had been before. A lot of the girls seemed impressed with his book smarts, and many of them asked him to help them study. Eiri quickly found out that these girls had anything but books on the brain when he accepted their offers to tutor them, and he soon gained a reputation for being incredibly promiscuous. It wasn't that he had an out-of-control sex drive that he had a burning desire to fulfill, it was just that sex was the one form of human contact that gave him pleasure anymore. He had closed himself off emotionally because of his intense fear of being betrayed, so if physical pleasure was the most he could get out of his relationships with other people then so be it.

Though girls his age seemed to adore him, his male peers were another matter. Eiri figured they were probably jealous of the fact that he was smart, attractive, and could bed any girl he wanted. Most of the guys in his school chose to just cast dirty looks at him, but sometimes the tension reached a breaking point. One time another boy confronted him after hearing that Eiri had slept with his girlfriend. After a snarky comment from Eiri implying that if the other guy's performance were up to par then maybe his girlfriend wouldn't have needed to go where the gettin' was good, the other boy took a swing at him. Even though he was caught off guard, Eiri managed to dodge and get in a good punch of his own, sending his classmate running off with a bloody nose. Eiri found that there was a second form of human contact he enjoyed in baiting people and beating the crap out of them. He wasn't very strong physically, but he could usually win fights through the use of speed and superior tactics.

During the times when he wasn't either having sex or getting into fights, Eiri found himself wishing he could experience those kinds of rushes more often. He began to drink and smoke heavily, but he found that these were also only temporary forms of comfort. Still, he quickly became addicted and was unable to stop as he found himself becoming dependent on such things just to get through the day (As an adult, Eiri couldn't help but wonder whether Tatsuha's current wild behavior was at least partially due to the fact that he had grown up watching his older brother engaging in the same activities as a teenager)

Despite the fact that everything that gave him pleasure was seen as destructive behavior, Eiri remained a model student at school, since studying proved to be another distraction that kept him from having to deal with his problems. As he entered his final year of high school, he found himself being increasingly pestered by others about what he was going to do with his life; his family was especially interested in hearing what he had planned since he had vehemently refused to take over the temple as tradition dictated he should as the oldest son. He didn't really give a damn about his future, but he wanted to find something he could claim to be his goal just to shut up his family and teachers. He vaguely remembered a promise he had made when he was younger about becoming a writer. The name Yuki came to mind when he remembered that. His memories of the man were quite fuzzy at the time, and he had a lot of conflicting feelings attached to the name. Though he knew that something very bad had happened to him because of that man, he decided that since he seemed to be strongly connected to Eiri's desire to write, he would use his name in his writing, and the penname Yuki Eiri was born.

He began to write short stories and sent them out to magazines and writing contests. Apparently there were many people who thought he had a very marketable talent, as he ended up getting his work printed in several different publications. At the age of seventeen he was already receiving offers from publishers for the exclusive rights to print his stories. His family and teachers told him he could get into any college he wanted, but he didn't see the point. If he could make a living at something he was good at right out of high school, why bother pouring a bunch of money into a path that would have no effect on his chosen career? He eventually accepted the offer of Eikou Publishing, and upon his graduation from high school he moved to Tokyo, relieved to finally be living on his own. He didn't feel like he needed other people, not even his own family, and Tokyo was a city where he could mill around in nameless masses of people and not be bothered to have to interact with any of them, save for the occasional refusal of proffered fliers and tissue packets from people advertising for stores on street corners.

For the next few years, his life fell into a pretty regular routine. He spent most days alone in his apartment writing. At night he would go out and pick up women, usually ending the night with one of them at his apartment, though sometimes he would go out again after bedding one girl and pick up another; his record was four in one night. Picking up women became easier and easier as he became more famous. Hell, most of the women he slept with probably had their minds made up the second they saw him that they wanted to get into his bed. Some women required convincing, though not usually very much, and he sometimes mentally kept track of how long it took between the time a woman first refused him to her going home with him. The time decreased dramatically with each new book he put out. Of course, there were some women who refused him entirely, which didn't really bother him. Those girls were usually ones who had "morals" and "values" and would be likely to try to pressure him into an actual relationship if they slept with him. All he needed were random sluts he could fuck once or twice--maybe a couple more times if the sex was exceptionally good--and then never talk to again. Meaningful relationships were the last thing on his list.

And then came Shuuichi, a crazy ball of pink energy who came crashing into his life against his will and without his permission. Truth be told, even at the beginning of their messed up relationship, Eiri found Shuuichi to be a refreshing presence in his life. He was used to being surrounded by people who were completely fake to him. He knew that they were all just interested in his fame, his money, or getting into his pants, even though they pretended that they actually liked him for who he was as a person. Shuuichi, for some inexplicable reason, really _did _like the arrogant asshole that Eiri personified when he first met the boy. He was the first person to genuinely say that he loved Eiri. And Eiri found that for the first time in years he felt a sense of satisfaction even during the times when he wasn't having sex, smoking, or getting drunk. It took him a long time to admit to himself that he had fallen in love with Shuuichi, and he still hadn't told Shuuichi his true feelings. He had implied it in many ways, and no longer denied being in love with him when other people said he was, but he had never actually said the words he knew his lover so longed to hear. His heart skipped a beat as he glanced down to the matching silver rings that now adorned both his and Shuuichi's fingers. He thought back to only a few days earlier when he had taken what he considered to be the biggest step in showing his lover just how much he meant to him...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Yuki, I'm hooome!" As was his routine whenever he came home from work, Shuuichi began to scour the house for his lover, bouncing from room to room and calling his name. He eventually reached the office, where he found the familiar sight of Eiri sitting in his desk chair before his laptop, long fingers moving swiftly over the keys. "There you are."

Eiri grunted and didn't even pause in his typing to look back at his lover's form standing in the doorway. He knew Shuuichi was going to walk over and prattle on endlessly about his day no matter what Eiri did.

"You're not going to believe what happened at the studio today! First of all, for once, I was the first one there. Hiro came pretty soon, though. He overslept a bit because he was talking to Ayaka-chan on the phone pretty late last night. I think things are going really well between them, and it seems like she's totally over you now. Anyway, we were there by ourselves for about a half-hour when finally Fujisaki showed up, along with Seguchi-san. He said he had a really big announcement to make and told us that...hey, Yuki? Where'd you get those rings?" As he related the "fascinating" tale of his day, Shuuichi had glanced down to Eiri's hands and noticed that in addition to the clunky silver ring he usually wore he was also wearing two smaller silver rings that matched each other, one on each of his ring fingers.

"A store," Eiri replied dryly, carefully disguising his tone to hide the fact that he had butterflies dancing in his stomach. He hadn't expected Shuuichi to notice the rings so quickly. He had wanted to get a chance to work up the courage he needed for what he was planning to do, but Shuuichi had cut his chance to mentally steel himself drastically short.

Shuuichi lifted one of Eiri's hands to his face to scrutinize the new piece of jewelry more closely. "Wow, they're really pretty. But why did you get two of the same one?"

Eiri took in a deep breath. Dammit, he really had to go through with this now. He still wasn't entirely convinced that he wasn't about do to something incredibly stupid, but he had reached the point of no return. "Do you want one?"

Shuuichi blinked innocently. "Eh?"

Eiri let out his breath in a sigh. Maybe it was a little easier to do this while Shuuichi didn't understand what was going on. He took his hand back from his lover and removed the ring from his left hand. "Here, I'll give one to you." He grabbed Shuuichi's left hand and carefully slipped the ring onto the younger man's ring finger.

Shuuichi's heart began to beat out of control. With Eiri being lower than him because he was still sitting in his desk chair, the scene looked very much like a man bent down on one knee to make a proposal. The way Eiri was placing the ring on his finger only seemed to further confirm this suspicion. Was this really happening? He wanted to ask Eiri exactly what his intentions were in giving him this ring, but he was sure that he would just tell him to shut up if he asked. Shuuichi watched as Eiri slipped the ring all the way onto his finger...and then saw it promptly slide right back off. He laughed, looking a bit embarrassed. "I guess it's a little too big for me."

Eiri looked at the ring that was once again in his hand and took Shuuichi's left hand again. "Damn brat, can't even wear a ring right." He slid the ring onto Shuuichi's middle finger, where it was a much more comfortable fit.

Shuuichi lifted his hand up, appreciating the way the ring twinkled in the light. He beamed at Eiri, who was blushing slightly and refusing to meet his lover's eyes. Shuuichi pulled the older man into a bear hug. "Thank you, Yuki."

"Yeah, yeah. Now, get the hell out of my office. I've got a deadline coming up." Eiri listened to the gleeful skipping of Shuuichi as he bounded out of the room. As soon as he heard the door click closed, he let out a huge sigh of relief and quickly pulled out a cigarette. He had never been so nervous before in his whole life, and now he was glad it was over. He was more than a little surprised that Shuuichi hadn't asked him what the rings were for, but at the same time he was relieved that he hadn't been made to answer that question, as he wasn't entirely sure himself. Eiri had wanted to do something to show Shuuichi that he loved him since he still found himself incapable of saying the words. The rings he had bought were, in fact, wedding bands, and he knew there was really only one reasonable interpretation to be made of the two of them wearing such rings. However, since the two of them couldn't legally get married, it was possible that they could symbolize a dedication that wasn't necessarily the same as marriage. He knew he loved Shuuichi, but did he really want to say he felt like they were married? It was a bit nerve-wracking to think about dedicating the rest of his life to being with one person. Still, despite his conflicting feelings about the meaning of the rings, he had gone ahead and bought them anyway. The two of them could work out the meaning later.

Eiri focused his attention on the screen of his laptop once more. This was no time to be wondering about his relationship with Shuuichi, he had a deadline to meet.

It was around 4AM when Eiri finally finished his manuscript. Not too bad, since he'd been expecting to have to pull an all-nighter. He left his office and heard the sound of the television emanating from the living room. Couldn't Shuuichi ever bother to turn things off? When he got to the living room he found that Shuuichi was still there, sleeping on the couch with his face nestled against the hand that bore his new ring. 'That's gonna leave a mark.' He looked at the TV screen and was a little surprised to see his own face staring back at him. It was an interview he had done a few months earlier, and he was talking with the interviewer about his latest book. The look on the woman's face clearly showed that she was dying to ask him the inevitable question that everyone always wanted to hear about ever since he had come out on national television.

"And what about your relationship with Shindou-san of Bad Luck? How are things going between the two of you?"

"It is what it is. That's really all I have to say about it."

He always gave the same kind of non-committal answer whenever he was asked this question. It was really no one else's business. He turned off the TV and grabbed his lover's hand. "Come on, Shuuichi, let's go to bed."

All he got in reply was a whiny groan. Shuuichi showed no signs of moving under his own free will, and Eiri was too tired to carry him to the bedroom. He could have easily just left him there, but he really didn't like sleeping alone anymore. Still holding the younger man's hand, Eiri laid down on the couch next to him and promptly fell asleep.

Shuuichi was awakened a few hours later by the doorbell. The first thought that crossed his mind was how weird it was for Eiri to be sleeping so closely to him since he usually didn't let Shuuichi snuggle with him all night. As he came to a little more he realized that they weren't sleeping in their bed, but on the couch. The doorbell rang again and Shuuichi carefully maneuvered himself out of Eiri's grip so as not to wake the gorgeous sleeping man. He opened the door to find his best friend standing before him. "Hey, Hiro. Whatcha doing here so early in the morning?"

"Well, it _is_ almost time for work, Shuuichi. I was out doing some stuff nearby so I thought I'd swing by and pick you up."

"Oh, okay. Just give me a few minutes to get ready." Shuuichi rushed off to change his clothes and clean up a bit. As he passed through the living room on his way to the door, he stopped by the couch. "I'm going to work now, Yuki. See you when I get home." He turned to leave but was stopped when Eiri reached up and grabbed his wrist.

"Wait, Shuu-chan..."

Shuuichi knew that Eiri must talking in his sleep. The only times he ever called him Shuu-chan were when he was either asleep or drunk...really, _really_ drunk. He smiled down at his lover. How could a man who was so prickly when he was awake be so unbelievably adorable when he slept? "What is it, Yuki?"

"The ice cream...it's all melting..."

"Don't worry, honey, I'll put it all back in the freezer."

Eiri smiled in his sleep. "Thanks, baby."

"You're welcome, sweetheart." Shuuichi felt like squealing as blood began to seep from his nose. Eiri was just too cute to resist. He felt like blowing off work and just spending the whole day having crazy sex with his lover.

"Hey, Shuuichi, you coming or what?"

Shuuichi sighed. "Yeah, Hiro, I'll be right there." He turned back to Eiri and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. "I love you. See you later." He finally made his way back to the front door. "Okay, I'm ready now."

Hiro's eyes drifted down to the twinkle emanating from the object adorning Shuuichi's left hand "Hey, where'd you get the new hardware?"

Shuuichi blushed as he looked down at his ring. "Yuki gave it to me, in a sort of roundabout way. He's got one, too."

Hiro's eyes widened. "Whoa, so does that mean you guys are, like, hitched now?"

Shuuichi rubbed his head in embarrassment. "Well, I'm not exactly sure."

Hiro nearly fell over. "What! You mean you didn't even ask him what it was for?"

The shorter man began to twiddle his thumbs. "Well, I know he's shy about sharing his feelings and stuff. I don't think he would have told me even if I did ask. I figure he'll tell me when he's ready whether he intends for this to be a wedding ring or an engagement ring or something else entirely. I just have to wait for that day."

"Yeah, right," Hiro scoffed. "I'm sure you'll be hounding him about it in less than a week." The two of them made their way to where Hiro's motorcycle was parked outside and rode off to the studio together.

Eiri woke up when he heard the familiar rumble of a motorcycle engine outside his window. He realized he was now alone on the couch. "Little brat could have at least woken me up to tell me he was leaving," Eiri grumbled. Now that he was awake, he might as well get ready before Mizuki arrived to pick up his manuscript. He wandered into the kitchen to get something to eat. For some reason, he was craving ice cream.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

It had been almost a week since then, and Eiri still wasn't entirely sure what he wanted their rings to symbolize, and amazingly enough Shuuichi still hadn't asked him about it. Things would probably become a lot clearer for both of them over the course of their trip to New York. The main purpose of going was to visit Yuki's grave, and Eiri knew that Shuuichi would probably be blown away by what he planned to do while they were there. It would be difficult for him, but it was something he needed to do for Shuuichi's sake. It was time for him to start thinking about what was most fair to the young man who loved him more than anything in the world.

o o o o o o o o o o

Spazz: Amazing...how long do you think I can wade through this fic without anything of substance happening? Two chapters in and they still haven't even gotten off the fucking airplane yet! But at least at the end you get a teaser for stuff that's gonna happen in future chapters. Now, what big thing is Yuki-sama planning to do at Kitazawa's grave?

Shuuichi: Uh, dig up his skeleton and beat up his bones?

Spazz: Nice try, Shuu-chan, but no. That would be...kinda disturbing.

Eiri: Whatever. As long as something finally happens.

Spazz: Well, the visit to Kitazawa's grave won't actually happen for a couple more chapters. You've still got some more flashbacks to get through.

Eiri: Shit, do you really think I'm that fucking introspective?

Spazz: Wah, gomen! This is just how I planned the fic. Look on the bright side, next time you'll get some sexy flashbacks!

Eiri: Finally, something worth reading.

Spazz: Anyway, please leave your reviews! I understand if some people may be a little annoyed since nothing's really happened besides a bunch of shoujo-esque talk about feelings and shit, but I promise there will be a payoff to all of this eventually! Hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter out within a couple of weeks (and, believe it or not, this is the first time in more than seven years that I've put out the next chapter to a fic within two weeks. I guess it really did help to have nearly half of it written already). Bye bye!


	3. Something New

In My Life: Chapter 3

Word count inflating dribble: I have arrived at chapter 3! Are we all having fun?

Shuuichi: Yeah!

Eiri: ..."hooray"...

Spazz: That didn't sound very convincing...well, don't worry, I'm sure you'll have some fun in this chapter, because you get to have sex!

Eiri: Finally!

Spazz: ...in a flashback.

Eiri: You cunt.

Spazz: Hey, no need to be so mean. Have a cigarette and calm down, you damn addict.

Shuuichi: Don't insult my Yuki!

Spazz: Sigh...Anyway, here are some _real _notes for this chapter (gasp!): If you're not familiar with Japanese yen, each one is roughly equivalent to an American penny, so 1,000 yen is about ten dollars, 5,000 is fifty, and 10,000 is one hundred.

Disclaimer, courtesy of Shuuichi: "Yuki is mine! Yuki is mine! Don't you dare claim him as your own!"

Chapter completed: 2005.04.25

o o o o o o o o o o

In My Life

Chapter 3: Something New

Written by: Sailorspazz

o o o o o o o o o o

Food or cigarettes? The first thought that crossed Eiri's mind after he and Shuuichi had landed in New York, gone through customs, and retrieved their luggage was whether he should be looking for a restaurant or a smoking area. In the end, his addiction to nicotine won out, and he soon found himself in an outdoor smoking area, filling his lungs with the comforting warm smoke he had been desperately craving for the past thirteen hours. Shuuichi, loyal as always, stood outside with him, even though doctors had told him it was bad for his vocal chords to be around smoke all the time. He didn't seem to care if it meant he could be close to Eiri. The older man was both astounded by the stupidity and touched by the sweetness of his lover's actions.

Since Eiri hadn't seen any restaurants in the airport that looked appealing to him, he decided that he and Shuuichi should go check into their hotel first and look for a restaurant after that. The two men hailed a taxi and soon arrived at the ritzy hotel Eiri had reserved for their trip. The room was quite large, with a bed that looked mighty inviting to the lovers for whom it felt like it was the middle of the night, though in New York it was only midday. Eiri knew that taking a nap wouldn't be particularly helpful in getting over their jetlag, though, and he was able to convince a whining Shuuichi that they needed to stay up until nighttime to properly adjust to the time change.

Since they were both fairly tired, it was mutually decided that the hotel restaurant would be sufficient, as neither felt like combing the streets to search for a place to eat. Soon after they were seated, Eiri felt the need for another cigarette. He'd discovered to his chagrin that smoking was no longer allowed even in bars and restaurants in New York, so he headed outside to indulge in the most addictive of his bad habits. He turned around when he noticed Shuuichi following him. "What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna come stand outside with you."

"Why?"

"Isn't it obvious? I want to spend as much time as possible with you while we have all this alone time together. I mean, I know we live together and all, but this is a special trip for just the two of us, you know? I love you, Yuki, and I just want to be close to you, that's all."

Eiri showed no sign that the younger man's words had any effect on him as he casually lit his cigarette. "Just go back inside, Shuuichi. It's not good for your voice to stand around in smoke all the time. Order me something if the waitress comes back."

Shuuichi sighed but didn't say anything as he trudged back inside the restaurant. 'It's for your own good,' Eiri thought as he watched his lover's retreating form. He knew it wasn't his responsibility to look after Shuuichi's health, but lately he had found himself feeling more and more concerned for the singer's well being. He hadn't stopped smoking around him completely--he smoked far too much for that to even be possible--but he had been trying to abstain in his lover's presence as much as he could. It was one of his ways of showing his love, but it was apparently one that Shuuichi didn't recognize. 'Of course he wouldn't, someone like him who's so open about his feelings will only be satisfied with hearing the actual words.' Even after two years together he was still rather astonished by the way Shuuichi could throw the words "I love you" around with hardly a thought about it in even the most mundane situations such as the conversation they had just had. Eiri had never once been able to say those words to anyone, though he had come very close on two occasions. The first time was when he almost said it to Yuki shortly before his rape; the other time was a couple of months earlier on the night of Eiri's twenty-fourth birthday...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Shuuichi was late. He knew the younger man hadn't even wanted to go to work that day, and had whined and pleaded and begged to be given the day off, but thanks to his having slacked off on previous work days, Bad Luck was so far behind on their recording schedule that working on Eiri's birthday had become unavoidable. Shuuichi spent hours crying and apologizing to him, which Eiri made no attempt to stem as he employed his usual reactions to his lover's stupidity by telling him to shut up and die. Shuuichi said he would try to come home as early as possible, but it was already getting past the time when he usually arrived home. Where the hell could that brat be?

Since he had been unable to spend the day with his lover, Eiri had decided to spend the day doing something he rarely did anymore: relaxing at home by himself. He had even managed to convince Touma not to bug him that day--an enormous feat indeed--telling him that if he wanted to celebrate Eiri's birthday they could always do something another day. Being left totally alone to do whatever he wanted for an entire day was something Eiri was no longer used to, and he wasn't sure how to spend his time. He tried taking a long, relaxing bath, but he had become so accustomed to the racket Shuuichi usually caused that the total silence was disturbing to him. He tried watching some TV to get some noise in the apartment, but soon found that there wasn't really anything he wanted to watch.

He managed to keep himself entertained for awhile as he did some "ego surfing" by looking up his own name on the Internet. Eiri was quite amused to find a page dedicated to pictures of himself sleeping that various women he'd slept with had taken of him with their cell phone cameras. He mentally noted that Shuuichi would have been quite happy to see that there hadn't been a new entry to the page in over two years. The younger man had known that Eiri was still sleeping around when they first got together, and Eiri wasn't sure whether his lover realized that he hadn't slept with anyone else ever since Shuuichi had moved in with him. He hadn't told him because he hadn't wanted to encourage Shuuichi's brazen tactics of getting him all to himself by letting him know that they had actually worked.

Eiri tried reading some message board topics about himself, but he quickly became bored with the inevitable pattern that occurred: one poster would bring up a book of his, a bunch of fangirls would praise it like it were the holy Mecca of literature, one person would come along and post a slight criticism about the book's story or writing style, and all the sweet fangirls would turn into raging beasts and attack the renegade poster mercilessly with nearly unreadable spelling and grammar. Since he was at his computer anyway, Eiri decided to try doing a little work on his next book after he got tired of surfing the Internet. He had gotten in a couple of good solid hours of writing when he noticed that Shuuichi should be home but wasn't yet.

As if on cue, Eiri heard the front door crashing open, indicating that his favorite idiot had finally made it home. The pink-haired man burst into Eiri's office out of breath. "Sorry I'm late, Yuki," he said between pants. "I had to pick up some stuff so we could celebrate your birthday properly."

"Did you bring food?" After a disastrous experience the previous year when Shuuichi had attempted to make him dinner on his birthday, Eiri forbade him from ever cooking again, telling him that he had to buy any food he wanted to serve him.

"I brought some dessert," he said, holding up a bag from a cake shop.

Eiri set his glasses on the desk and got up from his chair. "Sounds good to me."

Shuuichi pulled a box from the plastic bag and placed it on the table as Eiri took a seat. He opened the box to reveal a multi-layered strawberry shortcake. The older man was impressed; strawberries weren't exactly in season during late February, so he knew his lover must have gone to a lot of effort to find his favorite dessert for him.

"Oh, no!" Shuuichi suddenly burst out.

"What's wrong?"

"I was gonna buy candles to put on top, but I forgot!"

Eiri pulled out a cigarette from the pack lying on the table, lit it, and stuck it into the whipped cream on top of the shortcake. "There. Ain't that festive," he observed in monotone.

"Yuki! That's gross! You're gonna get ashes all over it!"

"So? I don't care."

"Well, I do."

"Who says you get any?"

Shuuichi's eyes grew impossibly large and dewy. Eiri sighed and pulled a strawberry from the top. "Here, you can have this."

The younger man gave him a flirtatious look. "Why don't we both eat it?" he said, sticking the larger end of the small red fruit into his mouth. Eiri leaned toward him and placed his mouth over the other end of the fruit, putting his teeth as close as possible to Shuuichi's lips without actually touching him and bit off a large chunk of the strawberry. "Waaah, Yuki, that's not how you're supposed to do it! Haven't you ever seen a romantic movie before? We're supposed to start kissing and stuff when you try to eat the strawberry and get juices on each other as we eat it and it's supposed to be all sexy!"

"Who would want to do that with you?"

Shuuichi pouted. "You're the most unromantic person I've ever met. And you call yourself a romance novelist!"

"Hn."

Shuuichi looked back to the shortcake. "Why don't you blow out your 'candle' now. It's starting to burn down."

The blonde blew on the lighted cigarette, causing the embers to flutter, and pulled it from the shortcake, tasting the sweetness of the whipped cream as he took a drag from it. He handed a fork to Shuuichi. "Here. You can have some."

Shuuichi's face lit up in an adorable smile and the two of them peacefully ate the shortcake together until they were scraping the last bits of whipped cream from the bottom of the box.

"That was good. Thanks, Shuuichi."

The singer was shocked (in a good way) by those words. Eiri never usually thanked him for anything. "I'm glad you liked it." Shuuichi paused and said his next words with a touch of shyness. "Say, Yuki, are you done working for the night?"

Eiri leaned back in his chair. "Well, I was planning on finishing up the chapter I've been working on by the end of the night. Why?"

"I have a birthday present for you, but..." Shuuichi eyed one of the bags he had brought home as a blush spread across his face. "...but it might take awhile to give to you, so I wanted to make sure you didn't have anything else to do before I let you have it."

The older man raised an eyebrow. Something that would take awhile to give to him? Obviously Shuuichi had done something more elaborate than pick up a random trinket for him at a store. "I should probably be done writing in about an hour, so I guess you can come check on me then," Eiri said as he got up from the dining room table and headed back to his office.

The novelist found himself on a roll again soon after he began typing. He spent most of his time writing a graphic love scene, leaving him feeling pretty frisky when he was done. Of course, like most of his stories, this one ended in tragedy when one of the lovers ended up shooting the other soon after their wild romp. He occasionally wrote happy endings just to keep his readers guessing, but for the most part he preferred to end his stories darkly. Even though he was much happier than he had been before he met Shuuichi, tragic endings still felt more natural to him.

He heard a knock at the door. "Yuki, are you done writing?"

Eiri turned his desk chair around as he removed his reading glasses. "Yeah, I just got done now, so..." The blonde nearly dropped his glasses on the floor as he caught sight of his lover. "Wha...what the hell are you wearing?"

The younger man was decked out head to toe in leather, including a tasseled vest, chaps, a thong, and a cowboy hat. "This is your birthday present," Shuuichi said in a low, husky tone.

"My present is cosplay? How is something that I already see more than I want to a gift?" Eiri eyed his lover up and down. "What are you supposed to be, anyway? A faggoty cowboy?"

Shuuichi chuckled softly. "No. Actually, I'm a stripper. I thought I'd give a performance for a very special customer on his birthday."

Eiri raised an eyebrow. Seeing as how Shuuichi wasn't particularly great in bed, he was quite dubious about how the young man would perform as a stripper. Still, he was curious to see how this gift would turn out...and he _did_ look damn sexy in that outfit. "Well, you have my attention. Let's see it."

Shuuichi took the stereo he had been carrying and plugged it into the wall socket. Eiri had to snicker when he heard the music his lover had picked out. Only Shuuichi would have thought of stripping to Nittle Grasper. The younger man began to move and gyrate to the rhythm, and Eiri was slightly impressed since he actually looked like he knew what he was doing. Shuuichi was certainly getting the desired effect out of Eiri, as he could tell from the bulge forming in his pants. Shuuichi meandered behind his lover's chair, reaching over him and undoing a couple of the buttons on his shirt.

"Hey, aren't _you_ the one who's supposed to be stripping? You haven't even taken anything off yet, and now you're trying to undress me."

The pink-haired man giggled. "Well, a little audience participation is always fun." He pressed his mouth against Eiri's ear and whispered to him, "And, just so you know, strippers are more likely to take of their clothes if you cough up some cash, Mr. Customer." He removed the cowboy hat and placed it atop Eiri's head as he sashayed back in front of him again.

Eiri grumbled as he pulled out his wallet. "Greedy little slut." He removed a 1,000 yen bill and tossed it on the floor by his feet. "Here. Why don't you show me something interesting now?"

Shuuichi got down on all fours and crawled toward Eiri, picking up the bill with his teeth and then putting it into the waistband of his thong. He stood up in front of his lover and slowly removed his vest. Eiri reached for him to try to grope his newly bared chest, but Shuuichi playfully slapped his hands away. "No touching."

"What the hell? You were just touching me a minute ago."

"Silly. Don't you know the rules? A stripper can touch you, but you can't touch a stripper. Unless, of course, you're giving the stripper money." Shuuichi began to shake and sway again as Eiri pulled out another 1,000 yen. He had trouble inserting it into the straps of the younger man's thong with all the gyrating Shuuichi was doing and gave him a hard smack on the ass.

"Hold still, you little whore."

Shuuichi turned around and glared at Eiri with playful mock anger. "What did I just tell you about touching me, Mr. Customer? You're so naughty! I'll have you know that naughty customers are severely punished. This is the last time I'll warn you about your behavior."

"Fine, fine, be a bitch."

"And I have a name, you know."

"I don't care. To me you're nothing but a whore, a bitch, and a slut, so that's what I'm going to call you."

"As you wish, Mr. Customer." Shuuichi began to remove his chaps with great meticulousness and was soon left wearing only his thong. He continued to dance around suggestively as Eiri watched with rapt attention.

"So, you got some sob story attached to your choice of profession? Are you stripping your way through college? Or do you have a sick mother who desperately needs money for her cancer treatment?"

Shuuichi smirked and came closer to Eiri. "No, I just do it because I really get off on the idea of other people getting all horny from watching me." He placed his hand on the obvious protuberance in his lover's pants. "Seeing guys get all hard for me is such a turn on," he whispered, his face mere centimeters away from Eiri's own.

"So you're an exhibitionist, huh?" The blonde wrapped his arms around the younger man and pulled him closer. "Exactly how much of an exhibitionist are you?"

Shuuichi feigned an aghast expression and extracted himself from Eiri's arms. "Didn't I say I wouldn't give you any more warnings about touching me? Now you have to be punished."

Eiri stared back at him with lust-filled eyes. "Do your worst."

Shuuichi looked at his lover with a smirk. Eiri was obviously expecting the punishment to be something sexual, but he wasn't going to let him off that easily. "All right then, since you can't seem to keep your hands off me, I'm going to allow you to touch me...for a price. From now on, it will cost you 1,000 yen for me to touch you, 5,000 for you to touch me in a nonsexual way, and 10,000 for you to touch me in any way you want. How does that sound?"

"A thousand for you to touch me? But you've been touching me for free this whole time."

"Well, maybe you should have followed the rules, Mr. Customer."

"Hn. All right, just to clarify, what exactly qualifies as 'nonsexual' touching?"

"It means you can touch me anywhere except my ass and my dick."

"Well, then, why don't we get started on this new little system?" Eiri gave Shuuichi 1,000 yen, and the younger man reached forward and undid one of the other man's shirt buttons. "That's it? You didn't even touch me, you just touched my clothing!"

"If you hadn't been naughty in the first place, we wouldn't be in this situation."

"Damn whore." Eiri looked down and noticed he still had two buttons remaining. Shuuichi would probably go for those on his next two touches, so Eiri gave him 3,000 yen to ensure that Shuuichi would touch some other part of him at least once.

As predicted, Shuuichi first undid one of the remaining shirt buttons. "One." He then went after the remaining button. "Two." He took a moment to admire the freshly bared torso before him and then poked his index finger against his lover's stomach. "Three."

Eiri flinched from the tickle and glared at Shuuichi. "What the hell is this? Aren't you supposed to be touching me in a way that I'll enjoy, rather than in a way that amuses you?"

"I don't recall mentioning that as part of the rules."

Eiri growled. "That's it, you little bitch, apparently I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands." He slipped a 10,000 yen bill into Shuuichi's thong. "Turn around. This is going to be so worth it."

The pink-haired man obediently did as his lover said and let out a loud moan when Eiri's hand met his backside with a sharp smack. The blonde smirked. Though Shuuichi often asked Eiri to be gentle with him, he knew the young man was a bit of a masochist at heart. "Now I'm going to give you another 1,000 to touch me, and unless you want me to have to resort to spanking you again, you'd better make it worth it."

"Yes, Mr. Customer," Shuuichi said breathlessly. He knocked the cowboy hat he had placed on Eiri's head off to gain easier access to his face and locked his lips with those of his lover. He sustained the kiss for quite some time and looked into Eiri's eyes when he finally broke it off. "Was that worth it?"

The older man smiled. "Definitely." He pulled out 5,000 yen. "Now I'm going to touch you." He grabbed Shuuichi around the waist and began to make a trail of kisses down his body, starting at his neck, then working his way down to his chest and stomach. Knowing it would cost him extra, he skipped the entire hip area and continued down his legs, finally stopping when he reached the younger man's toes. Even though he was the one touching Shuuichi, Eiri found himself getting quite aroused as well. "Did you like that?"

The look on Shuuichi's face showed that he had clearly enjoyed Eiri's gentleness, but he still had a sly expression in his eyes. "You know, technically I could charge you 5,000 for every single kiss you just gave me."

Eiri narrowed his eyes. "I don't like your attitude, you little slut. Turn around, I'm going to have to teach you a lesson again." He gave his lover another 5,000 yen bill.

"Hey, it costs 10,000 if you want to spank me."

"Who said I was going to spank you? Just turn around like I told you." Eiri slipped a finger into the waistband of Shuuichi's thong, pulled it away from his skin, and released it quickly, causing it to snap sharply between the younger man's ass cheeks, eliciting a loud yelp from the singer. All of Shuuichi's squeals and moans whenever Eiri did something to him were serving as an incredible turn on for the blonde, and he wasn't sure how much longer he would be able to hold off from throwing his lover to the ground and fucking the hell out of him.

Shuuichi looked at Eiri with a pout. "That was pushing the rules."

"How so? I had to pay 1,000 yen for each shirt button you undid earlier, so it's only fair that I can touch _your_ clothes too, right? Can you blame me for being clever enough to find an alternative to spanking you that's almost as much fun and only half the cost?"

Shuuichi sighed. "I guess not, Mr. Customer. I should have known that you would be as smart as you are sexy." He gave Eiri a smile that somehow managed to look both innocent and lustful at the same time.

Eiri was quickly losing his resolve. He was not at all used to being aroused for such a long period of time without having sex. He needed to unleash his passion on Shuuichi, but his pride would not allow him to be the one to break down and ask for it. He wanted to get Shuuichi aroused to the point where he would cry out and beg Eiri to make love to him. "If I give you 15,000, can I touch you in two different ways at once?"

"Sure. What do you want to do to me?"

"First come sit on my lap."

Shuuichi's eyes lit up mischievously. "I do hope you realize that will cost you an extra 1,000."

"Fine, I'll give you 16,000, you money mongering whore. Just get over here." Shuuichi complied and before he could say anything Eiri's lips were smothering his, the other man's skillful tongue forcefully entering his mouth. Eiri slipped one of his hands down the front of Shuuichi's thong and began fondling his penis, more for the purpose of teasing than giving him pleasure. He just wanted to get his lover turned on enough that Shuuichi would be the one to bring up needing to have sex, not stimulate him so much that he would ejaculate all over his hand. He could hear the young man's moans and feel him thrusting against his hand, which was only driving Eiri into even more of a tizzy. 'Dammit, Shuuichi, how can you stand this? Just give up already!' Shuuichi broke away from the kiss and Eiri searched his eyes for any sign that he was going to break character and plead with Eiri to have sex with him. However, all he saw was the same playful expression Shuuichi had been wearing ever since they had started their role-playing.

"Mmm, that was very nice, Mr. Customer. If you give me 2,000 yen, I could try touching you in a couple different ways at once, too."

Eiri was already so horny he could barely stand it, and he knew that allowing Shuuichi to give him even more stimulation would only make things worse. Still, against his better judgment, he gave his lover the money.

Shuuichi turned on Eiri's lap so he was straddling him. He moved like he was going to give Eiri a kiss, but instead he just nipped his lips and moved his mouth over to his lover's ear, where he began to lick and nibble on the lobe. He brought his hands up to Eiri's chest and started to play with his nipples, pinching, twisting, and caressing them expertly. 'Shit.' Shuuichi knew all of the most sensitive areas on his body, and he was currently stimulating two of them. It seemed he had figured out what Eiri had been trying to do to him before and was now returning the favor, only Shuuichi was actually succeeding. Eiri felt like he was going to explode. He inadvertently let out a moan, which seemed to greatly amuse his lover.

"Are you enjoying this, Mr. Customer?" a teasing voice whispered in his ear. Eiri didn't answer since he wasn't entirely sure he could do so without unleashing some sort of moan or groan that would further indicate how weak he currently was to Shuuichi's charms. The younger man wrapped his arms around Eiri's shoulders and stared at him with his gorgeous violet eyes. "Would you like me to give you a lap dance?"

Once again, he knew that accepting such an offer would only cause him to become even more unbearably aroused, but once again he was too curious to decline. "I bet this is gonna cost me. How much?"

"Only 10,000 per minute."

"_Only?_" He scrounged up 10,000 yen from bills of varying sizes in his wallet. "Here, why don't you get started with this? If I want to watch you for more than a minute, I'll keep paying you."

Shuuichi began to move to the music again, only now he was in much closer proximity than he had been when he first began stripping. Still, it was less stimulating than when he had been teasing Eiri only moments before, and Eiri found that he was beginning to calm down a bit as he watched the younger man move his body erotically in front of him. Shuuichi started to dance facing away from him, giving Eiri the nearly undeniable urge to spank his lover's ass again. He decided against it since it seemed that _he_ and not Shuuichi was the one most in danger of losing control, as he had nearly done so already. It was frankly hard to believe that the young man who had come the first time Eiri kissed him was now the one making Eiri nearly lose it.

Shuuichi moved closer to Eiri and straddled his lap facing away from him. He began to bounce up and down and move his hips back and forth sensually. 'Dammit, just as I was gaining control of myself...' Eiri's mind began to feel hazy with lust again. This was getting to be too much. Shuuichi settled into a steady grind against Eiri, rubbing his ass vigorously against the other man's crotch. 'Shit shit shit...'

Without warning, Shuuichi found himself being pulled backward by his hair and having Eiri's lips crushed desperately against his own. He could see the unadulterated longing in his lover's amber eyes. "You know, this isn't included in the fee of my lap dance," Shuuichi said devilishly.

"Shut up," Eiri growled, pulling tightly on Shuuichi's hair. "Enough of this. When are we going to get down to business here?"

A soft giggle sounded from the young man in his arms. "If you're inquiring about 'extra services', you can have them any time you want, as long as you've got the cash to pay for them."

"Oh, hell no," Eiri yanked on his lover's hair again, evoking a moan from the younger man. "I've given you enough of my money already. You're not getting one more yen from me. You know what's going to happen? I'm going to fuck you all I want, and it's gonna be so fucking good you're going to want to pay _me_ for it, got it?"

"As you wish, Mr. Customer." Shuuichi extracted himself from the older man's lap. "We have a room in the back where we can engage in 'extra services'. Follow me."

Eiri rose from his chair and gave Shuuichi a hard smack on the ass. "Lead the way, and don't you dare dawdle." He followed after his lover on the familiar path to their bedroom, his eyes hungrily eying Shuuichi's backside the whole way. Shuuichi headed for the bed once they reached the room, but Eiri tackled him before he got there. "No, the bed's too good for a whore like you. I'm going to take you on the floor like you deserve."

With one swift motion he removed Shuuichi's thong, sending all of the bills that had been stuffed into it fluttering to the floor. Meanwhile, Shuuichi pushed Eiri's shirt off his shoulders and undid his the other man's pants. It wasn't long before both of them were naked on the floor, kissing passionately as their hands wildly roamed each other's bodies. Eiri licked his fingers and moved them down between his lover's splayed legs, slipping one of the digits inside him. "What the hell? You're already so loose I could jam my whole fist up here!" Though the prospect sounded quite intriguing, there were other parts of Eiri's body that were currently screaming out to be crammed inside Shuuichi. He scooted his body forward until he was sitting on his lover's chest. "Lube me up, bitch," he said, bending his erection down and inserting it into Shuuichi's mouth.

Shuuichi obediently began to suck and lick his lover's penis like it were a popsicle, moving his head back and forth slowly. Shuuichi's blowjobs usually didn't have much of an effect on Eiri, but in his heightened state of arousal even this was almost too much for him to handle. He soon pulled away and crawled backward until he was in a good position to enter Shuuichi. They both moaned loudly as Eiri slowly pushed his erection inside him. After a few establishing thrusts, he began to plunge into his lover deeper and faster.

"Oh, oh, Mr. Customer! I'm going to...ah!"

Eiri could tell not only from Shuuichi's words but also from his body language that he wasn't going to last long like this. Over the past two years he had become well aware of the signs that indicated when Shuuichi was close to coming, and he had come up with ways to delay that outcome. One of the most effective methods was to stop and switch positions. When he got to the point where it seemed like Shuuichi would be done in a few more seconds, he pulled out. "Turn over, slut." The pink-haired man obediently flipped over onto his hands and knees and Eiri entered him from behind. Having sight of Shuuichi's ass again, he couldn't help but give his lover a few spanks as he rammed in and out of him. With each lust-filled cry, Shuuichi pushed backward against Eiri harder, forcing him deeper and deeper inside of himself with each thrust. Even after the spankings stopped, the younger man continued his moaning and grinding, driving Eiri up the wall with passion. He was surprised to realize that he felt like _he_ was about to come too early, and had no choice but to cease his thrusting.

Shuuichi let out a whine when he felt Eiri stop and was about to ask why when he turned around and saw his lover, panting and sitting on his knees and looking slightly embarrassed, and realized what had happened. He crawled over to Eiri and straddled the older man's lap, running his fingers gently through his hair. "What's the matter, Mr. Customer?" Shuuichi inquired in a teasing tone of voice as he wrapped his arms about his lover's shoulders. "Am I too much for you to handle?"

"Hn. A silly little whore like you could never be too much for me."

"Oh, really?" Shuuichi positioned himself over his lover's erection and pushed down until the older man was inside him once more. "Are you sure?" He began to slowly move back and forth, pushing his lover deeper inside himself with each movement.

Eiri had to bite his lip to keep from moaning. He still hadn't calmed down from when he had almost climaxed moments before, and now Shuuichi was giving him even more stimulation. "I'm...positive," he quickly spat out, barely managing to not let out a lustful groan in the process.

A playful giggle came from the younger man. "I guess we'll see." His movements sped up and he felt Eiri's arms wrapping around him, forcing him down harder with each thrust.

Eiri's breath quickened and his whole body stiffened as he released himself into his lover. He was amazed to see that Shuuichi was still bouncing up and down on his lap. For once, Eiri had actually been the first to reach orgasm. It wasn't long before he felt his lover's warm ejaculate splatter against his stomach, and for several long moments the room was silent save for the exhausted pants from the two lovers who were still enveloped tightly in each other's arms. Eiri was the first to catch his breath. "I'll...go get a towel."

The two men cleaned themselves up and crawled into bed. Eiri lit up a cigarette and, for the first time in a very long while, exhaled the first puff of smoke with a sigh of utter satisfaction. Shuuichi snuggled up to him, a wicked grin on his face. "That...was awesome."

"Yeah." Eiri couldn't help but notice the look of shock on Shuuichi's face at his response. Usually when he thought the sex was good, Eiri would tell him that it had been bad, so he was surprised to hear that his lover agreed with him for once.

"You really think so?"

"Yeah. I don't know how you did it, Shuuichi, but you were really great for once."

The pink-haired man wore an expression of child-like excitement. "Really? Really? How good was I, you know, like, in comparison to all the other people you've slept with?"

Eiri took a long drag from his cigarette. "Hmm, well, I guess I would put that on the list of my top five sexual experiences." He smiled inadvertently when he saw Shuuichi's joyful reaction to his statement. Just seeing his lover like this was enough to push him up to number one in his mind. After all, it was better to have someone he actually cared about at the top of his list rather than a random slut whose name he couldn't even remember.

Shuuichi found himself absolutely captivated by the magnificent smile his lover was wearing. He looked so stunning when he smiled, and Shuuichi wished he would do it more often. "Is it legal to be so beautiful?"

"No. I'm wanted in five prefectures and two American states for excessive gorgeousness."

The younger man couldn't help but laugh out loud. One would think that the dry, sarcastic tone Eiri used to tell jokes would clash with his beautiful smiling expression, but for Shuuichi the combination was irresistible. "Happy birthday, Yuki. I love you."

He almost said it back. He came so close. His mouth opened, the words were in his head...and then Kitazawa Yuki appeared in his mind, his image cruelly mocking him. He remembered the last words he had said before he died: 'Weren't you going to say earlier that you lo-' He had almost told Yuki that he loved him, only to be betrayed by him soon after. Now whenever he thought about his feelings for Shuuichi, that man was in his head, ridiculing him over and over with the sentence he never finished because Eiri had shot him before he could. The confusion that reigned in his head whenever he thought about how much he cared for Shuuichi had led to him often equating the younger man with Yuki in his mind. It certainly wasn't fair for him to think of his young lover as a replacement for the man he had killed, but even now he was suffering emotional damage from that incident, and thinking of them as the same person was somewhat of a comfort.

Being unable to answer Shuuichi in the way he wanted, Eiri snuffed his cigarette out in the ashtray by the bed and laid his head against the younger man's chest. It pained him to hear a disappointed sigh from his lover. Shuuichi wanted to hear those words from him so much, and Eiri wished he was able to say them, but his feelings were too mixed up for him to be able to say that he loved him and really know that he was talking to Shuuichi, not Kitazawa Yuki.

"Goodnight, Yuki."

"Goodnight."

o o o o o o o o o o

Spazz: Once again, I'm cutting off in the middle of a flashback because it's too lengthy to cram into one chapter. Yeah, it may seem like this one is over, but it really isn't yet, since Yuki-sama also remembers some stuff about what happens the next morning. At the length this chapter has reached already, I decided to just stop at this point and write the rest of it later, since I'm trying to keep chapters in the 5,000-7,000 word range, and continuing would have pushed it _way_ over the top. But anyway, I found this chapter to be fun to write. I'd forgotten how entertaining it can be to write sex scenes Hopefully it was entertaining to read, as well.

Eiri: Maybe it would be more entertaining if it were more realistic. I mean, Shuuichi being good in bed? Come on.

Shuuichi: You bastard! Hmph, see if you get any from me tonight!

Eiri: Oh, I'll get some right now (goes to work seducing Shuuichi...quite successfully)

Spazz: o.O Wow, it's getting hot in here. While I sit here and watch some hot man sex, you all remember to review, mmmkay? See you next time!


	4. Lovers and Friends

In My Life: Chapter 4

Useless rubbish: Sha sha sha! Ultra ninja Spazz is back with another chapter! Sorry the last one ended on such a downer, I guess if I'd planned it better so I could have actually completed the flashback then things would have turned out happier. But not to worry! In this chapter we get the continuation of that flashback starting from the following morning, and then things get sappy and silly again...why do my fics always turn out that way?

Eiri: Because you're a hopelessly cheesy author who can only write the same type of thing over and over.

Spazz: Coming from the man who specializes in tragic love stories...anyway, here's the next batch of goodness. Please have your fill!

Disclaimer, courtesy of Touma: "Anyone who lays claim to my precious Eiri-san shall face my divine wrath! Go forth, my demon army, and devour the unworthy fangirls! Mwa ha ha ha ha!"

Chapter completed: 2005.05.09

o o o o o o o o o o

In My Life

Chapter 4: Lovers and Friends

Written by: Sailorspazz

o o o o o o o o o o

Before even realizing that he had fallen asleep, Shuuichi was awakened by the sound of the telephone ringing. He was a bit sore from the previous night and didn't feel much like getting up to answer it, so he let the answering machine pick up the call. He was feeling fully awake now, though, and didn't think he would be able to fall back asleep. It was light outside and he was probably already late for work, but he didn't really care. He doubted anyone had expected him to be on time today anyway, seeing as how he'd had to cram all of his birthday plans with Eiri into a single nighttime. He smiled as he thought back to the night before. Things had gone even better than he had expected. It had been fun to watch Eiri become so overcome with passion that he lost control of himself. Shuuichi hadn't known he was even capable of having that effect on his lover, but apparently anything was possible as long as he concentrated on keeping himself in control.

He looked down to the sleeping man's face still nestled against his chest. Even though Eiri often told him he didn't like to snuggle, more often than not it was actually _Eiri_ who ended up gravitating toward Shuuichi during the night. He softly placed a kiss on his lover's forehead, causing the older man to stir and shift his face up to the pillow. Having easier access to Eiri's face, Shuuichi placed his lips directly on his lover's. The amber eyes fluttered open and strong arms wrapped around him as Eiri returned the kiss gently. "Morning, brat."

"Morning, sourpuss," Shuuichi said with a giggle as he pressed his mouth against Eiri's again. The kiss quickly grew deeper and more passionate as the blonde rolled on top of the younger man. Shuuichi felt a stiff object pressing against his thigh. "You're awfully frisky for having just woken up."

"Shut up," Eiri snapped, silencing the younger man with another smoldering kiss. He paused momentarily in his ravenous attack on his lover's lips when he heard the doorbell ring, but ignored it and continued unabated.

"Hey," Shuuichi managed to squeeze in between kisses, "aren't you going to answer that?"

Eiri smirked. "They can come back later." His hands began to roam Shuuichi's body, and he could feel the younger man spreading his legs beneath him, urging him to go on.

"Oh, my, Eiri-san. I don't suppose it's your fault that Shindou-san is late to work so often, is it?"

Both men's heads snapped toward the door where they were shocked to find the slight form of Seguchi Touma standing there, wearing his usual amiable smile.

Shuuichi sat straight up in bed. "S-S-Seguchi-san! G-good morning!" he stammered, bowing as much as was possible in his current position.

Eiri bonked his lover on the head. "Don't worry about formalities at a time like this!" He aimed a venomous glare to the uninvited guest standing in the doorway. He growled menacingly, "Seguchi..."

"Good morning, Eiri-san, and happy belated birthday. It's good to see you, although I must say you don't look too happy to see me." Obviously Touma was unaffected by Eiri's attempt to be intimidating.

Eiri placed a finger against the throbbing vein bursting from his forehead. "I have three questions for you, Seguchi. The first one is, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Well, you told me that you didn't want to do anything on your birthday, so I thought I would take you out to lunch today to celebrate."

"I see. My second question is, how the hell did you get into my house? I'm quite sure there are only two copies of the key to this place, and I sure as hell didn't give the other one to you."

"Well, Shindou-san doesn't always take great care guarding his things while he's at work. It's only natural to assume that someone might be able to get into his bag and, say, make a copy of his house key while he's not paying attention."

Another vein popped up on the other side of Eiri's head. "I see. My third question is...well, it's not really a question so much as a statement..."

"What is it, Eiri-san?" Touma found himself being hit square in the face by a flying pillow.

"Get the hell out of my room! If you didn't notice, I was about to have sex with Shuuichi when you walked in, and I still fully intend to do so."

"W-WHAT!" the younger man yelped, turning bright red as Eiri climbed on top of him again. "Come on, Yuki, you can't be-" Shuuichi was cut off by Eiri's lips before he could finish his sentence.

"Things are about to get pretty hot and heavy here. You can stay and watch if you want." Eiri turned back to Shuuichi and began to make out with him again. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Touma was still standing in the doorway. "That was sarcasm, not an invitation you goddamn pervert! Go wait in the living room or something until we're done!" Touma finally left the room, leaving the two lovers to themselves.

"Hey, Yuki, you're not serious about this, are you?"

"Of course I am. I know Seguchi doesn't completely approve of you, and doing this will really piss him off."

"I don't want to piss him off! He's my boss!"

"Well, he's my nosy brother-in-law, and I _do_ want to piss him off. I believe my reasoning takes precedence here." He proceeded to cover his lover's neck with kisses.

"Wah, Yuki, knock it off! This is so embarrassing!"

"Oh, come on. What happened to my sexy, slutty little exhibitionist from last night?"

"You know that was just an act! I'm not really like that!"

"Oh, I think I can prove that you are..."

From his position in the living room, Touma could here the muffled protests of his brother-in-law's lover, but it wasn't long before he started hearing entirely _different_ sorts of noises coming from the young man. He could also hear Eiri practically narrating the whole experience, saying things like "Oh yeah, work it Shuuichi!" and letting out all sorts of animalistic whoops and shouts. He doubted that a stoic man like Eiri was normally so noisy during sex and was most likely just hyping up the performance to get to Touma. After some time had passed, the two men emerged from their bedroom, Eiri jauntily smoking a cigarette with his arm draped over a very embarrassed looking Shuuichi. "Woo, that was fun. So, you ready to go eat now, Seguchi? I know I sure worked up an appetite."

Touma plastered on a fake smile to try to cover up his twitching eye. "Yes, let's be off now. I figured we could go eat at a place near N-G and drop Shindou-san off there so he can at least get _some_ work done today." The still bright red-faced young man cowered at the cutting words of his boss.

The three men piled into Touma's car and made their way to N-G Studios, where they parked in his designated presidential parking space right near the entrance. He pointed across the street to a cafe. "That's the place where I was thinking of taking you, Eiri-san. Is that all right with you?"

"Should be fine."

Shuuichi turned to go into the building as the two older men waited to cross the street. "Well, I should be going now. I'll see you later, Yuki." Before he reached the door, he was stunned as Eiri grabbed him and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Have fun at work today," the older man practically purred.

Shuuichi barely resisted the urge to drag Eiri back to the apartment and not allow him leave the bedroom for the rest of the day. He was only stopped by the fact that Touma was standing right next to him, and he figured it probably wasn't the best idea to blow off work right in front of his boss. He was still so shocked that Eiri had kissed him in public that he had trouble forming coherent thoughts, let alone words. "I...um...okay." The younger man disappeared inside the building, and the squeal he emitted once the door was shut could have been heard for blocks. Eiri chuckled and lit up a new cigarette as the signal changed and the two men crossed the street.

Touma looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I bet every photographer in Tokyo is sorry they missed that."

"They're always crawling around like cockroaches. I wouldn't be surprised if someone _did_ catch it on film."

"You don't mind?"

Eiri shrugged. "It's not like it's a secret anymore. If anything, it'd get him more publicity. I just felt like sending him off to work happy. I've heard he works harder when I've been nice to him."

"Either that, or he's so spaced out with giddiness that he can't get anything done. I have a feeling today will end up being the latter." The two blondes sat down in the cafe and ordered coffees. "So, I take it you had an enjoyable time with Shindou-san last night?" Touma hadn't failed to notice the leather thong and tens of thousands of yen scattered across the bedroom floor.

Eiri took a drag from his cigarette to cover up the smile that had crept onto his face uninvited. "Shuuichi had some interesting things planned for me. He bought me some dessert and gave me a special present."

Despite Eiri's best efforts to cover it up, Touma could plainly see the joy in the younger blonde's eyes. It caused a smile--a _real_ one--to come to his own face. It had been a long time since he had seen Eiri this happy. On the day of Eiri's rape, Touma had believed that the younger man could never be as happy as he had been prior to that fateful day, but Shuuichi's influence was obviously more powerful than anything he had ever imagined. Eiri's life had now been changed forever in a _good_ way.

Touma rested his face against his hands and gave Eiri a sly look. "You really love Shindou-san, don't you?" Eiri took a sip of his coffee to avoid answering the question, but the blush on his face clearly telegraphed the answer to the older man. "I'm sure you know that I haven't always completely approved of your relationship with him."

"And I'm sure you know I don't give a damn what you think."

Touma chuckled. "You're so defensive when it comes to that young man. Now, if you'll allow me to finish what I was saying..." Touma cleared his throat. "I may not have always approved of your seeing him because of the stress caused by both the personality differences between you and the media's fixation on your relationship. However, I can see now that he makes you happier than anyone else ever has. Despite the problems between you two, I believe you're better off with him than without him."

"Well, good for you for thinking that, but I hardly need your permission to continue seeing him. What's your point?"

"I'm saying that I'm happy to see that he has changed your life for the better, but I can't help but wonder exactly how much you have healed since back then. Have you told Shindou-san how you feel about him?"

Eiri sighed. Did he really want to tell Touma about his problems? Confiding in him seemed to make the older man believe he had every right to meddle in Eiri's life even more (apparently even to the point of making unauthorized copies of the key to his apartment), but Touma was the only one he felt comfortable talking to about his past. "I can't. I can't because of _him_. When I think of how I feel about Shuuichi, the memories of when I almost confessed my feelings to _him_ come flooding back to me. It's not a pleasant feeling, I can tell you that. It's hard to imagine anything _good_ coming from such a confession when things went so wrong the first time I tried it."

"Shindou-san loves you, Eiri-san. I cannot imagine that he would ever betray you."

Eiri sighed again. "I know that. But _knowing_ something and being able to truly _believe_ it are two entirely different things. I know Shuuichi would never do anything to harm me, but I never imagined that Kitazawa would try to hurt me, either." Eiri stared down into his coffee cup. "And that's not the only problem. I know they're two very different people, but I have trouble distinguishing my feelings for Shuuichi and Kitazawa. The emotions are the same, so they get mixed up with each other. In my mind Shuuichi's presence makes it almost seem like Kitazawa is still alive, which means I didn't kill him, and that's a comfort to me. It helps me forget about all the bad things that happened."

Touma sighed and rested his forehead against his hands. "Oh, Eiri-san...I wish I could understand why you remain so hung up on _him_ after all these years. I don't know whether you are capable of doing so at this point, but the best advice I can give you is to close your heart to that man and open it up completely to Shindou-san. I believe that is the best way for both of you to be happy."

"But I don't know if I can ever forget him..." A long silence followed, and Eiri decided he was tired of talking about himself. "So, how's my sister doing? Is everything going well with her pregnancy?"

Touma's demeanor changed completely at those words. "Oh, yes, things seem to be going really well. The baby appears to be developing right on schedule. We've decided to not have the doctors tell us the gender. I have a feeling that it will be a girl, and I've been thinking a lot about names lately." There was an obvious timbre of pride and joy in the older man's voice as he proceeded to gush on about the plans he and Mika had for their soon-to-be addition to the family. Eiri couldn't help but feel relieved that Touma would soon have someone else to smother with all the love and protectiveness that he had spent many years dumping solely onto Eiri.

As he began to get bored with Touma's talk about baby plans, his mind drifted back to his problems again. Forgetting about Yuki was easier said than done. He would probably be unable to do it unless he received a major push from somewhere...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

He definitely got that push the night Shuuichi confronted him after he figured out that Eiri was using him as a replacement for Yuki. The fact that his lover walked out on him because of it finally shocked him into the realization that he really risked losing Shuuichi if he didn't change his way of thinking. He told Shuuichi that even if he was a replacement for Yuki, there was no replacement for him, and he really meant it. It was around that time that he decided he had to go back to New York and make a serious effort to really close off his heart to his first love. But even now as he was standing on a sidewalk in the Big Apple smoking his cigarette down to the filter he wasn't sure how ready he was to go through with saying goodbye to Yuki. Despite his reservations, he knew it was a necessary step in moving forward with Shuuichi.

Once he had sucked every last possible puff from his cigarette, Eiri reentered the restaurant where he joined his lover at their booth. "Did the waitress come back?"

"Yeah."

"What did you order me?"

"Spaghetti."

"We're all the way across the world in an authentic New York Italian restaurant and you order me plain old spaghetti? What did you get for yourself?"

"Spaghetti." He saw Eiri give him a quizzical look and whined, "It was the only thing on the menu I understood! And it's not like anyone here speaks Japanese."

Eiri realized that he should have known better than to leave Shuuichi alone in an English speaking environment. The younger man had nearly failed that subject along with all of the others except for music and P.E. when he (barely) graduated from high school. What had Eiri been thinking? All he could do was shake his head and chuckle. "You're such a dumbass."

Shuuichi pouted. "I ordered you a beer, too. It took me a while to figure out that they wanted to see my ID."

"It's a good thing you turned twenty-one recently. That's the drinking age here, and they're pretty strict about enforcing it."

"Yeah, the waitress seemed pretty surprised to see how old I was. If I understood her right, I think she said I looked like I was sixteen."

"Well, Americans usually think that Asians look pretty young as it is, and you look even younger than the average Japanese person your age."

"So is everyone going to be assuming you're a pedophile when we get all lovey dovey in public?"

"I guess I look a little...hey, wait, when did I ever agree to get 'lovey dovey' in public with you?"

"Aww, come on, we're in America now! Aren't Americans used to seeing gay guys holding hands on the sidewalk?"

"Things are a bit more complicated than that. Sure, there'd be some who would cheer us on, and crazy fangirls like Rage-chan who would want to take pictures, but there'd also be people who would give us dirty looks and start quoting Bible verses about the horrible sin of homosexuality."

Shuuichi looked down. "And here I thought we'd get to act differently in public than we did in Japan."

Eiri grabbed his lover's hand from across the table and gave it a light kiss. "Well, I'm sure these Americans can handle seeing a _little_ bit of man-on-man affection." He was delighted to see the smile accompanied by a soft blush that illuminated his lover's face. Shuuichi was just so cute, and his joyful reactions were almost as adorable as the way he pouted when Eiri was mean to him. Most of what he said or did to Shuuichi was purely for the purpose of getting a reaction out of him, and sometimes Eiri had a tough time deciding which reaction was his favorite.

The two men completed their simple meal and returned to their room, where Shuuichi turned on the TV and started flipping through channels to see if he could find anything he actually understood. He finally settled on a show where people were singing on a stage. "This looks good. What is it?"

Eiri examined the many logos emblazoned on the set of the show. "It's called American Idol. It's a singing competition, or something."

"Wow, how cool! Being on a show like this would've been much better than all the game shows and cooking shows I've had to go on. This is something I could actually do good at."

"Maybe, if you think people like listening to crap."

Shuuichi puffed up his cheeks. "Why, you! You'll pay for that!" The pink-haired man got an evil glint in his eyes as he came toward his lover with wiggling fingers.

Eiri's eyes widened. "Don't you dare try it, Shuuichi! I swear I'll kick you in the nuts if you do."

"Oh, come on! You need some punishment for being mean to me so often. Just for a few seconds? Pweeease?" His eyes began to tear up in a sickeningly adorable manner.

The older man rolled his eyes. "Fine, you get five seconds. That's all!" Eiri laid back on the bed and braced himself for Shuuichi's favorite form of punishing him. He began to laugh uncontrollably as his lover's fingers began to tickle his stomach mercilessly. Shuuichi absolutely loved hearing Eiri laugh, but the aloof man very rarely did so, and tickling him was the only surefire way he knew of to get anything more than a derisive chuckle out of him. "Okay, it's been long enough! Stop!"

Shuuichi smiled and gave his lover a kiss on the nose. "Maybe now you'll think twice about insulting me." He went back to his previous position on the bed and began staring at the television once more.

Eiri rose from the bed. "I'm going out on the balcony for a cigarette." Once he was alone again, he couldn't help but shake his head. When had he grown so soft? What in the world compelled him to let Shuuichi do silly things like tickle him for punishment when they both knew damn well it would do nothing to stem Eiri's biting insults? Not too long ago he would have berated the younger man for even thinking he had the right to do such things, but now he was pretty much letting Shuuichi do anything he wanted to him. 'Trust,' the word came to his mind. He had spent years not trusting anyone, believing that others were only out to either use him or hurt him. Shuuichi came crashing violently through the barriers he had erected in self-defense, and now he found that he trusted the young man more than anyone else in his life. Not too long ago he had unwittingly put his lover to the ultimate test in proving how much Eiri could trust him...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"You would suck at it."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do."

"But _how_?"

Neither one of them was sure how the conversation had started, and now it seemed to be stuck in an endless loop. For some bizarre reason, they had ended up talking about what it would be like if Eiri and Shuuichi broke up and Shuuichi had to go out and pick up girls. Eiri was quite sure that his lover would be grossly incompetent at such an activity, and Shuuichi had quickly become defensive about the matter, mostly because he was upset that Eiri never seemed to believe he could do anything right.

"Listen, Shuuichi, you don't know how to deal with women. You're gay."

"I'm not gay! I used to like girls before I met you."

"Do you like them now?"

"...No..."

"Then you're gay."

"Well, it's not like I'm attracted to other guys, either. I'm guess I'm neither straight nor gay, I'm just in love with you. I'm like a 'Yuki-sexual' or something."

Eiri snorted at his lover's invented word as he took a drag from the cigarette dangling from his lips. "All of this is irrelevant anyway. You're famous now, and a lot of women will do anything to bed a celebrity. It won't even matter if you can't pick up chicks worth a damn."

"Like I said, how do you know I _can't_ do it?"

"Okay, how about this: I'll show you what kind of scenario you might encounter assuming you were single and looking for a girl to take home. If you can handle the attention of a typical star-struck horny fangirl, then maybe I'll consider saying you could have some skill at handling women."

"So how exactly are you going to show me that?"

"By acting it out."

"You can act?"

"Of course. In case you've forgotten, I'm good at everything. Now, pretend you're sitting in a bar." Eiri stepped back and then cautiously approached Shuuichi with an entirely different demeanor than normal. "Excuse me, but are you Shindou-san of Bad Luck?"

He felt a little strange pretending like he had never met the man he lived with, but he smiled and played along. "Why, yes I am."

Eiri's eyes went wide with what amusingly looked very much like girlish glee. "You are? Oh, my god, this is so cool! I have all your albums, and I even have a poster of you in my room! Can I have your autograph?"

"Sure thing. Why don't you sit down and join me?"

"Thank you so much, Shindou-san."

"You can call me Shuuichi. And your name is...?"

"Sugishita Yukiko. You can call me Yukiko."

"It's nice to meet you, Yukiko-chan. So, how long have you been a fan of Bad Luck?"

"Since the very beginning. I went out and bought your single the first day it was on sale, and I've loved everything you've done ever since. I must confess, Shuuichi-san, I always thought you were the cutest one." 'Yukiko' eyed the young singer hungrily. "It looks like you're even cuter in person."

"Why, thank you," Shuuichi said, laughing awkwardly. Though it was unmistakably Eiri sitting next to him, with the way he was acting Shuuichi could almost believe he was another person. He felt a bit uneasy with the way that someone playing the role of a stranger could be looking at him as a sexual object so readily. Was this what Eiri had gone through before he started seeing Shuuichi? His exaggerated behavior seemed to be an indication that this was a scenario he had known all too well, only Eiri was playing the other side for once.

The conversation continued with Eiri acting like a flirtatious girl and Shuuichi feeling amused and disturbed at his lover's acting skills. 'Dammit, he really _is_ good at everything..." The deep baritone voice was the same as always, but the tone and word usage sounded convincingly feminine, an odd juxtaposition to say the least. The way he claimed that everything Shuuichi said was "interesting" and "fascinating" was, in an oxymoronic way, genuinely fake. And his eyes looked very much like he imagined a star-struck fan hoping to get more out of her favorite rock star than just an autograph would.

"Wow, that's so interesting. Say, Shuuichi-san, I've always wondered how big celebrities like yourself live. Do you have, like, a huge mansion or something?"

"Eh? No, no, nothing like that. I mean, my place is pretty big, but it's nothing too fancy."

"I'd really love to see it."

Shuuichi balked at those words. Were girls really so forward as to practically invite themselves to guy's houses? He shook his head in determination. He couldn't waver now, he was supposed to be proving to Eiri that he could handle women. Shuuichi wrapped an arm around his 'conquest'. "I could take you there and show you if want, Yukiko-chan."

'Yukiko' smiled. "That would be great." Pretending that they had entered through the front door, Shuuichi proceeded to show his 'guest' around the apartment. Nothing seemed to catch the interest of his 'fan'...until they reached the bedroom. "Ooh, what a nice big bed you have." His 'guest' wasted no time going over to the piece of furniture in question and getting comfortable. "It's so soft, too." 'Yukiko' looked at Shuuichi expectantly.

'Oh, crap, what am I supposed to do now? Do I use a pick up line or something?' Shuuichi thought. He decided to try it and cleared his throat. "The better to, uh, sleep with you on?" 'Oh yeah, _that_ sounded convincing,' Shuuichi mentally berated himself.

'Yukiko', on the other hand, seemed pleased with the offer. "Well, why don't you get over here, then?" Shuuichi made his way over to the bed and began to kiss his lover. He had expected that at least _this_ should feel familiar, but it didn't. Eiri was apparently using his acting skills to the point where he had even changed the way he kissed. It was much less aggressive and forceful than usual, making Shuuichi be more assertive than he usually had to be. He found himself being pulled down until he was lying on top of the other man. "Oh, Shuuichi-san. Make love to me right now."

The size of the younger man's eyes increased many times over. "What! Yuki, are you serious?"

The blonde looked up at him, his eyes showing no signs of breaking character. "Who's Yuki?" He began to undress his shocked lover and, once Shuuichi got over the surprise that one of the curiosities he'd held for quite some time was actually going to happen, he began to remove Eiri's clothes as well. Shuuichi seemed hesitant to continue, so Eiri inserted his lover's fingers into his mouth to get a little lubrication and spread his legs to give the younger man better access to himself. "Come on. Do it." Just one of Shuuichi's slender digits proved to be a tight fit inside the man who had only been on the receiving end of anal sex one time while being raped. Even though the sensation was very different from that time, his mind began to recreate the scenario...the stranger forcing him down to the floor...the cold sensation of the gun against his head...his teacher looking on with sick delight. Eiri was coming very close to freaking out, his breath coming in short gasps. He wondered whether this is what Shuuichi felt like the first time they had sex after his rape orchestrated by Aizawa Taki of Ask. Of course he hadn't thought to ask at the time; he was too busy playing Mr. Heartless Prick extraordinaire. Now he felt guilty about his lack of concern for Shuuichi's feelings back then.

The younger man sensed something was wrong with his lover. "It's okay if you want to stop, Yuki. We don't have to do this."

He didn't want to let his past keep holding him back. He wrapped his arms around Shuuichi's neck and kissed him deeply. "But Yukiko _does_ want to do this." He guided his lover's hand over to the jar of lube on the nightstand and saw that Shuuichi was still hesitating. "I'm not going to do all the work for you." He watched with some amusement as Shuuichi awkwardly applied lubrication to his own penis for the first time. Eiri braced himself as his lover attempted to enter him as slowly and gently as possible. It hurt a bit, but not nearly as much as when his virginity had been taken from him by force. Still, the memories of that incident continued to plague his mind.

"It's all right, Yuki...ko-chan. I promise I'll make you feel good."

Yes, there was no reason to make comparisons to that time. Shuuichi wasn't trying to hurt him, he wasn't using him, and he wasn't going to betray him.

'He loves me...'

The younger man quickened the pace of his movements, still taking care to be gentle enough so that he didn't cause his lover too much pain. Eiri was beginning to feel positive sensations as the pain started to subside, and felt an even more intense rush of pleasure as Shuuichi took hold of his erection and stroked it in time with the rhythm of his thrusting. It wasn't long before the younger man let out a moan as he released his ejaculate into his lover's body, and he continued to work Eiri with his hand until he also reached orgasm.

Shuuichi immediately looked to his lover with wide-eyed concern after they were finished. "Are you okay, Yuki? Are you hurt? Do you need me to do anything for you?"

"I'm a little sore, but I should be fine. It's not like you could do any serious damage to me, even if you tried." Eiri lit up a cigarette as he settled into bed. "Oh, and by the way, you failed."

"Eh?"

"The test to see how you deal with women. You failed. Your pickup lines weren't great, you didn't give enough compliments, and you completely lacked confidence."

"Well, that's to be expected. I mean, that was my first time, you know, doing it like that," Shuuichi said with a blush.

"I'm not just talking about the sex. You were hesitant about every move you made the whole time. Hell, I even had to help you along at some points."

"Well, fine. So I do suck at dealing with women!" Shuuichi snuggled up to his lover and said softly, "Here's hoping I never have to do it for real..."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Eiri could find two different interpretations of the words his lover had said that night. He could either mean that he didn't want to deal with women because he had seen how bad he was at it, or that he wished he and Eiri would never break up. Knowing Shuuichi it was probably the latter, and Eiri wasn't sure what to say when his lover talked about the two of them being together forever. How could he be so sure that they were meant for each other? Then again, Shuuichi could probably ask the opposite question of how could Eiri _not_ be confident in the future of their relationship. Sure, they had problems, but they had managed to work most of their differences out. As Touma had pointed out the day after his birthday, Shuuichi made him happier than anyone else ever had. Eiri knew he loved the younger man, even though he had never told him. And, perhaps the biggest indicator of how important Shuuichi was to him, he trusted him completely. He had never, _ever_ imagined that he would trust another human being enough to allow them have their way with him after what happened to him in the past. But, in a rather spontaneous decision during some wacky role-playing, he had easily decided to allow his lover to take command during sex. Shuuichi may have failed the test of how to be successful with women, but he had passed the unplanned test of proving he was worthy of Eiri's trust with flying colors. It was first time Eiri himself realized how much faith he had in Shuuichi. He was no longer afraid of being betrayed by him.

So what was holding him back from saying that he believed he and Shuuichi could spend the rest of their lives together? It was the same old reason as always: Kitazawa Yuki. The memory of that man still haunted him, and he hoped that he would finally be able to banish him from his heart. But would he be able to do it after so many years? How would Shuuichi react if he told him he would have to share Eiri with a dead man for the rest of his life? He would probably decide that he didn't want to put up with him anymore and leave once and for all, and that scared Eiri more than anything.

Eiri finished his cigarette and went back into the room to find Shuuichi asleep on the bed with the television still blaring with the sounds of American Idol. He watched as a singer finished a song he didn't recognize as the audience gave a round of rousing applause (undeserved, in Eiri's opinion). He was about to turn off the TV and go to sleep when he heard the beginning of a song he remembered hearing a long time ago when Touma had played some old records by a band called The Beatles for him.

There are places I remember  
All my life though some have changed  
Some forever not for better  
Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments  
With lovers and friends I still can recall  
Some are dead and some are living  
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers  
There is no one compares with you  
And these memories lose their meaning  
When I think of love as something new

Though I know I'll never lose affection  
For people and things that went before  
I know I'll often stop and think about them  
In my life I love you more

He gazed at his lover's sleeping form and smiled as he repeated the last line in his head. 'I love you more.' He really _did _love Shuuichi more than anyone else he had encountered in his life. The young man deserved to be shown once and for all how much he meant to Eiri. The only place he could do that at was Kitazawa Yuki's grave.

o o o o o o o o o o

Spazz: Aaaand we're done with the flashbacks! Seriously, Yuki-sama's finally done reflecting!

Eiri: About goddamn time.

Spazz: Next chapter (which could be either the last or second to last, depending on how wordy I get) will take place entirely within the present day. Whee, how fun. Anyways, some fun comments about this chapter...I know they don't usually sing full songs on American Idol (and I just outed myself as a reality show geek by saying that:P For even more geeky fun, is there anyone who recognized another reality show reference in an earlier chapter? I slipped one in that was quite a bit more obscure), but I just felt like it might be a fun way to have him listen to the song that shares the title of this fic (my original plan had him hearing it on the radio, but fics do things on their own that writers have no control over!) But who cares about that when this chapter has a much more interesting tidbit in it. Two words: Shuuichi seme.

Shuuichi: Woo hoo! I'm awesome!

Eiri: ...

Spazz: Yes, it needed to be made clear once and for all that Shuu-chan is not just some chick with a dick. He has manly neeeeds, dammit! Okay, if I'm going to be truthful here, the reason I wrote that scene was not for the Shuuichi seme, it was for the joy that is Eiri uke. Remix #5 is teh rule my world.

Eiri: (Throbbing vein) ...!

Spazz: Anyway, it's weird how the sex scenes between this chapter and the last one ended up being so different. The last one was all sexy fun, while this one was all emotional and shit. This fic is, like, Ryuuichi level bipolar.

Ryuuichi: What? Bipolar? But I only have one pole, see? (Pulls down pants)

Spazz: Oh...my...god. Is it wrong for me to look?

Shuuichi: Kya, no, Sakuma-san! We can't do this, I have a husband!

Eiri: (Multiple throbbing veins) ...!

Spazz: Uh, I don't think Yuki-sama can take much more of this before he explodes into crazy rage, so I'll just end it here. Be sure to come back next time for more awesome action Action ACTION!


	5. Memories Lose Their Meaning

In My Life: Chapter 5

Waste of space: Nya ho! We're getting down to the wire here. It won't be too long before this fic is over and I can get back to that thing called "life" (which I'll probably waste by starting another fic :P).

Eiri: I have a question about this fic. Can I stop being a pussy now?

Spazz: Nope. During this chapter you'll probably get even pussier.

Eiri: Shit.

Shuuichi: Well, at least the pussified Yuki is nice to me.

Eiri: Shut up, brat!

Spazz: All right, all right, no fighting, now. Why don't you just make out for my amusement or something?

Disclaimer, courtesy of Ryuuichi: "Ooh, a disclaimer! What's that? Is it something yummy? Or maybe it's something sparkly? I love sparkly things! Sparkly sparkly sparkly!"

Chapter completed: 2005.05.25

o o o o o o o o o o

In My Life

Chapter 5: Memories Lose Their Meaning

Author: Sailorspazz

o o o o o o o o o o

The time had finally come. It was the morning after Eiri and Shuuichi had arrived in New York and the two men were in a taxi on their way to the graveyard where the body of Kitazawa Yuki was buried. Eiri had previously contemplated going alone, but he realized that he wanted--no, _needed_--Shuuichi to be there with him. The young man was a remarkable source of support for him, so it would be much easier to go through with his planned goodbye to Yuki with his lover by his side. Plus, Shuuichi deserved to hear what he was going to say. He had waited long enough to learn what Eiri's true feelings were.

Their cab stopped and the lovers stepped out into the sunny warmth of the New York spring afternoon. They quietly made their way through several rows of graves before Eiri stopped in front of the one labeled "Yuki Kitazawa". The older man stared at the headstone silently for quite some time, suddenly wearing a distraught expression on his face. He seemed like he was about to start speaking several times, but never successfully uttered any complete words.

Shuuichi could see that his lover was struggling to get out whatever he was trying to say and figured that Eiri would have an easier time if he gave him some privacy. "Uh, I'll go sit on that bench over there so you can-"

"No." Both his sentence and his attempt to walk away were cut short when Eiri grabbed his hand, tightly interlacing their fingers together. "Stay," Eiri implored quietly, convincing his lover to remain by his side with his simple one-word plea. He seemed to have gained a significant dose of comfort just from holding the younger man's hand and feeling the matching rings they wore being squeezed tightly against each other. Eiri took in a deep breath and looked down to the ground below him with a new sense of conviction.

"Eight years...it's been almost eight years now since the day I killed you. But your life and the lives of your friends weren't the only ones that ended that day. I felt like my life ended, too. Everything I had hoped for, everything I had believed was possible in my life...it was all taken away from me that day. I thought you cared about me. I thought the feelings I'd developed for you were a reflection of how you'd felt about me from before the time I when was mature enough to realize it...but I was wrong. That fact was made painfully clear by what you did to me. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if you were ignorant of how much I cared about you, but _you knew_ how I felt and you _still_ went through with it. If you didn't know it before that day, surely you must have realized it when we kissed...I would have gladly become your lover if you'd wanted me to."

Shuuichi raised an eyebrow at that revelation. Eiri had never told him that he had actually kissed Yuki. He'd said to him before that he had revealed all of his secrets, but there were obviously some parts of the story that had been left out. Then again, Shuuichi remembered Eiri telling him that his memories about his past had been fuzzy for many years. Maybe he hadn't been able to recall that day in such detail at the time he told Shuuichi about it. As understanding as he wanted to be of what his lover was going through, he still couldn't help but feel jealous that Eiri was saying more in just one minute of his speech to a dead man than he usually said to Shuuichi in a single day. But didn't the fact that he wanted to Shuuichi to stay with him while he talked to Yuki mean that he was really talking to Shuuichi as well?

Eiri was already getting more emotional than he wanted to be and had to swallow a huge lump in his throat before he could continue. "You had a chance to make things right. When your friends came over, you could have told them that you couldn't go through with the sick little plan you'd cooked up. _But you didn't_. Apparently, my feelings didn't matter to you at all. Maybe you and your friends were planning on killing me afterward anyway so you figured it made no difference that I was in love with you. But things didn't quite turn out how you expected, did they? Instead of me dying and the rest of you surviving to probably do the same thing to some other innocent kid, it turned out to be the other way around.

"But you know what? There were times when I really wished that you _had_ killed me. Despite what you did to me, I continued to love you. I loved you _so much_. I couldn't deal with the fact that I was the one who killed you, and even though I never actually tried to commit suicide, I really didn't care whether I lived or died anymore. I was soon forced to forget about you when I started going to counseling and taking medication, but I could still feel something for you in the back of my mind. Over the past couple of years I've regained my memories of you, and I realized that after all this time my love for you was still there."

'I'm so jealous,' Shuuichi thought to himself, 'He can say he loves that dead man with no effort at all, yet he's never said those words to me.' He was startled when he saw Eiri suddenly look at him after thinking those words. 'Holy crap, is he reading my mind or something?' The older man said nothing to Shuuichi and looked back to the grave to continue speaking.

"This kid standing next to me is Shuuichi. He's been my lover for the past couple of years. Yeah, I guess my feelings for you were an indication of _something_." Eiri paused to let out a humorless chuckle. He had told Shuuichi so many times that he wasn't gay, but the fact remained that the only two people Eiri had ever had romantic feelings for were men. "It's mostly because of him that I started to remember you again, and it's been unfortunate for him since I realized I still had feelings for you. When I remembered, I wanted to hold on to those emotions. I even told Shuuichi that I could never love him because I would always be in love with you. I really felt that there was no way I could ever get over you. But Shuuichi managed to show me differently. For a long time after I came back to Japan, I didn't feel anything for anyone. I didn't want to care about others, because I assumed I would just be betrayed again. Then Shuuichi came along, and he taught me to actually _feel_ something again. But as I started to remember you, I got confused by the feelings I had for him. They were similar to how I felt about you, and that realization made me feel even guiltier about killing you. The guilt was too much for me to handle, and I wanted to imagine that you were still alive, so I began to think of Shuuichi as your replacement. It was comforting to think that you were still living on in the form of another person I cared about. I guess it was the only way I could justify having feelings for someone else when I still couldn't deal with what happened in the past. But I only became more and more confused as more memories came back to me. I began to act differently toward him, and Shuuichi noticed. He called me out on what I was doing and walked out on me because of it. That was when I realized how unfair I was being to him, and that's why I'm standing here before you today.

"You know, now that I think about it, it really makes no sense to think of Shuuichi as your replacement. You two are nothing alike at all. It would probably be more accurate to think of him as a replacement for myself as a teenager, and the current me as a replacement for you. Shuuichi fell blindly in love with me without any thought about how I might feel about him, just like I did with you. And just like you I ended up using him. It may not have been as bad as the way you used and betrayed me, but it was still hurtful to him. However, unlike you I actually care about the young man who fell in love with me, and I want to make things right. And so..."

Shuuichi could hear Eiri's voice beginning to quiver and could feel the shaking of the hand that was still clinging to his own. He looked up to the older man's face and was shocked to see the gorgeous amber eyes he loved so much filling with tears. Shuuichi had only seen his lover cry on a couple of occasions, and it usually seemed to have something to do with Kitazawa Yuki. He hated to see how much pain still plagued Eiri because of that man. All he could do was give his hand a reassuring squeeze, which seemed to console Eiri enough to the point where he could continue his speech without breaking down.

"And so I'm giving you up. This has gone on long enough. I can't spend my whole life pining for you and wishing that fateful day never happened. It _did_ happen, and I have to get over it. You betrayed me and I killed you. Logically, there's no reason for me to feel guilty about it, since you were the one who wronged me first. Of course, my feelings for you made things a lot more complicated than that, but I've come to realize that you've done nothing to deserve those feelings. You never cared about me at all, and you felt no remorse for letting your friends rape me. Putting aside my feelings for you, I realize that you were an asshole. A complete asshole. There's no reason to continue loving someone to whom I meant so little, especially when someone else who clearly cares about me is caused so much pain because of it. Shuuichi said he would be okay with it if I continued to love you, but I know that's a lie. He wants to have my love all to himself, and it's about time I gave it to him. I can't continue to make this incredible young man suffer because of you."

'_Incredible young man!_' Shuuichi repeated mentally in disbelief. 'He's lost it. Yuki's broken.' This was not the man who was always telling him to shut up and die. Something was very different about him. Then again, perhaps his normal behavior toward Shuuichi was a cover up for what he really thought about him, and only when speaking to a dead person was he able to reveal his true feelings. He heard a sniffle from the older man and saw that the tears that had been forming in his eyes earlier were now beginning to spill down his cheeks. The sight was so heartbreaking Shuuichi nearly began crying himself.

"I can't keep on loving you. It's too painful for Shuuichi. He doesn't want to share me, and I'm not going to make him anymore. I'm going to forget about you. You've monopolized my love for too long, and it's time to give someone else that honor. Because he deserves it. You don't." Eiri fell to his knees as quiet sobs finally overtook him. Shuuichi dropped to the ground next to him and wrapped his arms around his lover, attempting to comfort him even as tears began to slip from his own eyes.

"It's okay, Yuki, it's okay. I'm here for you, everything's all right," Shuuichi said in a soothing tone, stroking Eiri's hair reassuringly. The older man clutched him back tightly as he cried against his shoulder. Shuuichi was happy that Eiri was planning to give up Kitazawa Yuki for him, but he worried that it might be too much for Eiri's fragile emotional psyche to bear. Shuuichi remembered during the times he and Eiri had been broken up that he had been unable to forget about him, so he could only imagine how hard it would be for Eiri to forget someone he had been in love with since several years before he and Shuuichi had even met. The fact that he had broken down just from saying that he was going to give him up indicated that this wasn't going to be easy on him. Shuuichi suddenly felt guilty. Eiri was doing this because he was worried that Shuuichi would break up with him if he didn't and had probably pushed himself farther than he was ready to go emotionally. He didn't believe it was necessary for his lover to go "cold turkey" as far as remembering the man he had once loved if he was going to suffer from doing so.

The sobs of the man enveloped in the singer's arms finally began to die down. He tilted the older man's face up and was surprised to see that even after such an emotional display his eyes had transformed back to the cold gaze he normally wore. "You okay, Yuki?"

"Yeah," Eiri said as he rose from his kneeling position and brushed the remnants of grass clippings from his pant legs.

Shuuichi sighed as he stood up as well. 'Back to the same old Yuki, I guess.' He thought that Eiri's bearing of his soul might cause him to show a little more affection toward Shuuichi, but perhaps that was too much for him to expect. "Say, Yuki? Uh, about what you were just saying to Kitazawa-san, I don't think you have to-"

"Not now."

"Huh?"

Eiri put a hand against his forehead, appearing to have developed a headache judging from the pained expression on his face. "I'm a bit burned out right now and I don't really feel like talking about it. Save your comments and questions for later."

Shuuichi still looked like he wanted to say something, but decided to respect his lover's wishes. There was no point in trying to force Eiri to talk to him if he clearly didn't want to.

The pink-haired man was surprised when he felt his lover grab his hand to lead him out to the street to call a taxi. "Why don't we do some sightseeing today?" Eiri suggested offhandedly.

"Eh?"

"You didn't really get to see any New York landmarks when you got dragged here the first time, right? I thought I'd show you around this time."

Shuuichi raised a sly eyebrow. "You mean...like a date?"

Eiri gave the younger man a glare. "Do you want to act like a dumbass, or do you want to see the sights of the city?"

"Can't I do both?" Shuuichi asked as he shot an innocent wide-eyed look to his lover.

Eiri smirked. "Well, with you I guess there's no other option."

The two men spent most of the day exploring New York City, taking in such sights as the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, and Central Park. Shuuichi became puzzled when Eiri suddenly closed off to him emotionally even more so than usual after they left the graveyard. Maybe he was being especially guarded since he had lost control and broken down in tears earlier, but it was still disappointing to Shuuichi that his lover completely stopped showing affection toward him the entire day. He thought he should be feeling ecstatic since Eiri had basically said that he was going to give all of his love to Shuuichi from now on, but it was hard to feel happy when he was having trouble gauging whether his lover was emotionally prepared to go through with what he had promised. He didn't like feeling like he had forced Eiri to make a possibly heartbreaking decision, but he couldn't talk about it since Eiri had said he didn't want to. Shuuichi wasn't going to make a scene in public, but once they got back to their hotel room, he would make sure his opinion was heard.

Later that evening, the lovers reached their hotel and had dinner at the same restaurant as the night before, only with Eiri there to read the menu they were able to dine more lavishly than their previous meal of beer and spaghetti. Once they made it back to the room, Eiri barely had the chance to shut the door before Shuuichi leaped up and tightly attached himself to his torso, wrapping his legs and arms securely around him.

"Oh, Yuki, are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you need to cry? You can cry on my shoulder if you want to."

"Who's the one crying here?" Eiri said flatly, wiping a tear from Shuuichi's face with his thumb.

The younger man hadn't even realized that he had begun to weep. "I'm sorry...I wanted to be strong for you, but..."

"When did I ever say you need to 'be strong' for me, whatever that means?" He looked down to the young man still firmly attached to him. "Are you going to let go of me any time soon?" Shuuichi shook his head vigorously, causing Eiri to sigh. He walked across the room with his lover wrapped around him and deposited him on the bed, lying down next to him and folding his arms behind his head. Shuuichi immediately snuggled up to him and looked hesitant for a moment before finally speaking.

"About what you said earlier at Kitazawa-san's grave...do you really think I'm an incredible young man?" Eiri glared at him and Shuuichi laughed awkwardly. "Wait, that's not what I wanted to ask. About you giving up your feelings for Kitazawa-san...you didn't have to do that for me."

"Maybe not, but I did have to do it for _me_."

More silence followed before Shuuichi ventured timidly, "Did you really mean it? Are you sure about this, Yuki?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you seemed so upset earlier, and then you closed yourself off to me. If forgetting about him is going to make you sad, then you don't have to do it. I want you to be happy, Yuki, even if it means I'm not the only one in your heart."

Eiri smirked. "What happened to the selfish kid who'd do anything to have me all to himself?"

"He grew up and realized your happiness means even more to him than his own."

"Well, we seem to be faced with a bit of a conundrum here. If we're both most concerned with the other person's happiness but we believe in opposite solutions to make the other person happy, what course of action should we take?"

"Uh..."

"The answer: I'm always right, and you're total dumbass, so I'll be the one to make the decision." Eiri took a second to grin at the cute glare Shuuichi aimed at him then looked at the younger man with great seriousness in his eyes. "I've thought about this a lot today and trust me, in the long run it's much better for me to forget about him. Even if it's hard on me at first, it's just not healthy to keep thinking about him all my life. Nothing good can come from it. It just makes you sad and makes me feel depressed because even though some of the memories I have are pleasant, I still can't help thinking about how I killed him. In the end, me forgetting about him will make both of us happier."

"Well, if you think it's for the best, I'll support whatever decision you make." Shuuichi smiled and pulled his lover into a hug. "I love you so much, Yuki. I'm glad that you're thinking about our relationship like this, though I wish you could have done it without practically ignoring me the whole day."

"I didn't want to say anything about it in public, since I knew you'd probably make a big scene and start crying or something."

"Hmph. Do you really think so little of me?"

"I think you should change that to, 'do you really know me so well?'" Eiri said, pointing to the tears in Shuuichi's eyes.

"Those don't count, they haven't actually come out!"

"Close enough. I was still right to wait until we were alone. Things would be so much easier for us if you could just admit that I'm never wrong."

"Wah, I hate you, stupid Yuki!"

Seeming to only be half-listening to what Shuuichi was saying, Eiri was suddenly perplexed by an issue he hadn't thought about before. "Maybe I should change my penname," he suggested absently.

The younger man paused in his tirade. "Huh?"

"I'm supposed to be forgetting about Kitazawa, right? It's kind of hard to do that when I'm going around using his name all the time."

"I see. Do you know what you want to change it to?"

"No, I just thought of it right now, so I don't have any ideas yet."

"Well, maybe I can help you think of something." Shuuichi scrunched up his face in thought for a moment and turned to Eiri with a silly grin. "You could use my name if you want."

Eiri imagined himself as a sixteen-year-old once more erasing the name "Uesugi" from his homework and replacing it with two new kanji. Shindou Eiri. It caused him to both smile with merriment and laugh out loud at the absurdity. "That doesn't sound right at all. Besides, I originally picked my penname because it came from someone who inspired me to write, not someone who does everything in his power to distract me from my craft."

"Hmph! Fine then, see if I ever try to help you aga-" Shuuichi was cut off when his lover's lips suddenly claimed his own unexpectedly. When Eiri released him all of the younger man's irritation seemed to have faded away, just as Eiri had thought it would. Shuuichi was so easy to sooth sometimes.

As he settled comfortably into his lover's arms, Shuuichi was struck by a thought of his own. "Hey, if you're gonna change your name, does that mean I shouldn't call you Yuki anymore?"

Another issue Eiri hadn't thought about. Though he sometimes grew tired of hearing Shuuichi screech that name at him dozens of times per day, he wasn't sure whether he could get used to having the young man call him by any other name. "I don't know. I guess so."

"So, should I call you Eiri then?"

"Why don't you try it out?"

"Okay. Uh, hi Eiri."

"No, not like that. You have to whine it."

"Eh?"

"I know that coming from you the most common way I'm going to hear my name will be the form of whining, so that's the only proper way for you to try it out."

Shuuichi sweatdropped. "Uh, okay then. Eiriiii...Eiriiii."

"Hmm. I don't know if I like the sound of that."

"Okay, how about this, then...Uesugiiii."

"Ugh, definitely _not_ that."

"Well, I could call you by a pet name or something...Darliiiing!" Shuuichi saw the death glare emanating from his lover's eyes and laughed nervously. "Eh heh heh, maybe not."

"The way you call me Yuki is practically like a pet name already. Everyone else who uses it says it politely with a -san or -sensei attached. You're the only one who calls me just plain Yuki. You've been using it for so long now that I'm not sure you'd be able to switch over to something else." Eiri conveniently left out the fact that he had grown accustomed to his lover's name for him and didn't feel comfortable having him change what he called him by.

"Hmm...Well, maybe it's okay for you to keep using his name. You said that you started using it because he inspired your writing, right?"

"Yeah."

"You said today that you were going to give up on your love for him, right? That doesn't mean you have to give up your memories of him completely. You can keep remembering him for being the person who encouraged you to write and continue using his name as your penname. I fell in love with you as Yuki Eiri, and I have no problem continuing to love you as Yuki Eiri even if that name was taken from someone you once loved. I have no reason to be jealous of him anymore."

'This kid's a lot more sensible than I give him credit for,' Eiri thought with a smile. "All right, if you think it's okay, I'll continue to be Yuki Eiri for you."

Shuuichi wrapped his arms around Eiri and squeezed him briefly before sitting up on the bed. "Okay, let's watch some TV or something now." He took the remote control in his slender hands and began to flip through the channels rapidly.

"You trying to give me a seizure or something? Why don't you just settle on one thing?"

"But I don't understand any of this stuff."

"Since we came all the way to America, maybe you should practice your English a little bit."

"Eh? But I hate studying. I came here to have fun," Shuuichi whined.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand Japanese," Eiri replied in English.

Shuuichi wrinkled his face in concentration. "I...no like study. It not fun."

"No, no, that should be, 'I don't like to study. It's not fun,'" Eiri said.

"Oh, who cares?" Shuuichi said, switching back to their native language. "I'm never gonna be good at it, and anytime I'm around English speakers I'll probably have you or K or someone else to help me out."

"What did you say? I only understand English."

"Etto...I never be good English. People to help me will be with me."

"'Etto' isn't English, dumbass. You should say 'uh' or 'umm' for a filler noise," Eiri corrected him in Japanese.

"Gah, you're so picky! Not everyone is as smart as you are, you know! I struggle to just make broken sentences in English, while you can speak it fluently and even do different accents and stuff."

"Accents?"

"Yeah, I noticed a couple of times today when we were walking around that you spoke a little differently sometimes. You know, like when those girls came up to us?"

"Oh, that?" Eiri chuckled. "I guess you could call that a 'gay accent.' It's the quickest way possible to repel girls who might try to come up and hit on you. People could see you and me walking together and think we might be a couple, but," Eiri made the switch from Japanese to 'flaming English,' "If I talk like I'm a totally _fabulous_ gay man, they get the picture lickety-split."

"Eh? What was that last part you said?"

"I'm not sure if I can translate that back into Japanese, so just trust me when I say there are ways of speaking that make it _very_ clear to American women that you're not interested. But enough about that, you're supposed to be practicing your English."

"Damn." Shuuichi was hoping that he had distracted Eiri enough to make him forget what they had been doing before.

Eiri changed over to English again. "Now, tell me about what you do for a living."

"Ah, mou, don't want study!"

"'Mou' isn't English, either."

"I want do other thing with you."

Eiri ignored his mistakes and replied, "Like what?"

"Make love to me," Shuuichi purred.

Eiri smirked and spoke in Japanese again, "That's the only thing you've said correctly in English so far. Did you learn English watching porno movies or something?" Shuuichi only giggled in response. "All right, since you managed to say something right, I'm going to reward you in a couple of different ways. Your first reward is that I won't make you speak English anymore."

"Yay!" Shuuichi said, ironically using one of the standard English buzzwords in his vocabulary. "And how else are you going to reward me?" the younger man inquired seductively, obviously expecting sex.

Eiri was never one to want to do what was expected of him. "I'm going to tell you a secret."

"A secret?" Shuuichi sounded a little disappointed. He didn't like the idea that Eiri was still keeping secrets from him after being together for two years.

"Yes. I know I told you before that I didn't have any secrets left, but I promise that this is the last thing I've been keeping from you."

"How do I know that you really mean it this time?"

"You have to trust me. I would have told you sooner, but I wasn't sure how to do it for the longest time. I was...afraid."

Shuuichi began to feel worried. If Eiri didn't have the courage to tell him his secret until now, it must be something really big.

"But I'm not afraid anymore. This is too important to keep from you any longer. It's something I've never told anyone before, and you're the only one I ever plan to tell it to. Shuuichi..." Eiri stared deeply into the violet, concern-addled eyes of his lover. "I love you."

o o o o o o o o o o

Spazz: Oh, no I di'n't! CLIFFHANGER! Ha ha, is it wrong to enjoy being a bitch? I was worried that this chapter would be too short, but I obviously underestimated my ability for excessive verbosity (as this sentence should prove :P). Sorry this chapter's a little late on the bi-weekly schedule I've amazingly been sticking to up to this point. It was my birthday last weekend, and now I feel all depressed because I'm the same age as Yuki-sama at the beginning of Gravitation, but for some reason I'm not a fabulously wealthy 22-year-old novelist...instead, I'm an unemployed college graduate who sits in her basement writing fanfiction for free...wah, why can't reality be more like manga?

Eiri: Because you could never be as awesome as me. And, for the record, I'm _not_ the pussy you make me out to be in your fic. Crying? Saying I love that brat? Please.

Shuuichi: So how _do_ you feel about me, Yuki?

Eiri: (Blush) I, um, well, ahem, you know...

Spazz: Ha ha! "Author's notes'" Yuki-sama has been subdued! (V sign) Victory! Anyway, I try to include at least one thing per chapter that greatly amuses me, and this time around it was Flaming!Eiri. My god, wouldn't Inoue Kazuhiko sound awesome doing that? It would be, like, teh hotness. Okay, maybe he did it a _little_ bit in one of the manga dramatization CDs while acting out the scene from volume 9 where he rescues Sakano from the American whores by pretending they're a couple, but he could have been a lot more flaming than that (on an slightly related side note, the song that Seki Tomokazu sings on the last volume of those CDs titled "Messenger: Toki no Tenshitachi" is friggin' awesome! All right, enough with my tangents).

Shuuichi: Yuki! Why won't you answer me?

Eiri (Still blushing) Uh, well, um, it's like, you see...

Spazz: Anyway, everyone prepare yourself for the final chapter! How will Shuu-chan react to Yuki-sama's confession of love?

Eiri: I vote for head explosion.

Shuuichi: Hey, you still haven't answered my question!

Spazz: Uh, you just stay right there, and I'll show you! (Tee hee hee) (Ugh, I know I've used that gag before...I really need to stop plagiarizing myself).


	6. I Love You More

In My Life: Chapter 6

Spazz's last stand: Well, here we are everyone, the final chapter! I hope ya'll had a fun time reading. I certainly enjoyed writing it.

Eiri: And I enjoyed telling you how much you suck at every possible opportunity.

Spazz: Oh, yes, "thank you" for your wonderful "encouragement." But anyway, go forth and partake in the conclusion of last chapter's deliciously evil cliffhanger.

Disclaimer, courtesy of Suguru: "Uh, hello, I'm Fujisaki Suguru. I don't appear in this fic because the author apparently only cares about the relationship between Eiri-san and Shindou-san...oh, Eiri-san, why have you gone soft on me? You used to be so cool!"

Chapter completed: 2005.06.30

o o o o o o o o o o

In My Life

Chapter 6: I Love You More

Written by: Sailorspazz

o o o o o o o o o o

All Shuuichi seemed capable of doing was gaping at Eiri with wide eyes, repeatedly opening and closing his mouth silently in his state of speechless shock. 'Looks like I finally found a way to shut him up,' Eiri thought, unable to contain his smirk even in such a tender moment.

"Just now...you...what did you say?"

Eiri's face lost some of its gentleness and took on a bit of the exasperation that he usually seemed to display in his young lover's presence. "Come on, I know you heard me."

"So...you really just said that you love me? I wasn't hearing things?"

"Yeah."

"It's true?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

The feelings of exasperation were now coming back to him in full force. "If you don't want to believe me, I can easily take it back."

"No!" Shuuichi threw his arms around Eiri and nearly squeezed the life out of him with his iron grip. Eiri could feel the smaller man's body shaking. "It's just...I'm so...I've waited so long to hear you say that, Yuki. I wanted to be sure I wasn't just imagining things. I'm so happy to finally hear those words from you." The singer began to emit soft sobs.

Eiri sighed as he stroked his lover's back. "Why do you always have to cry about everything?"

"Well, at least these are tears of joy for once," Shuuichi said with a sniffle.

"It's still crying, and it's still messy and gross." Eiri gently pushed his lover's face away from his shoulder to avoid allowing any of the drippings coming from Shuuichi to land on his shirt.

Shuuichi wiped the tears from his eyes and flashed Eiri one of the most blissful smiles he had ever witnessed. "Thank you, Yuki."

Eiri looked slightly embarrassed. "Well, you needed to hear it, right? I decided to let you know in case you weren't sure."

"Oh, I've known it for some time. You've made it pretty obvious through your actions."

"Oh, really? Then why have you bugged me to tell you so much?"

"There's a difference between believing it to be true because of what you do versus having you confirm it with your own words. Even if I already knew it in my heart, I still _really_ needed to hear you say it. I'm so happy you finally did."

"Well, if it made you happy, then I guess that's all that matters." Eiri had secretly experienced a huge sense of relief saying that he loved Shuuichi. He was finally able to let go of the fear he'd had of saying those words and let his lover know once and for all how much he meant to him. Apparently Shuuichi had already figured it out, but it had still turned out to be a confession that held a lot of meaning for both of them.

Eiri noticed that Shuuichi was staring at him with wide eyes so innocent they aroused great suspicion. "What are you up to?"

"Yuki..." The oh-so-innocent voice only further confirmed that the younger man wanted something from him. "Will you say it again?"

"Huh?"

"Say you love me again."

Eiri balked at the request. He didn't like being told when he should express his feelings. "No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeeease?"

"If you don't stop bothering me, I swear I'll never say it again!"

Eiri's outburst managed to quiet Shuuichi down momentarily, but then he pouted and looked at his lover crossly. "Well, how often are you gonna say it? Don't tell me you just planned on saying it once and never saying it again."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Come on, Yuki, don't be like that! It made you happy to say it to me, right? Don't you want to experience that happiness more often?"

"I can get by without it."

"Well, I can't!"

"You've survived for two years without hearing it. I'm sure you can continue to do so."

"Not anymore. You've spoiled me by saying it, and now you have to live with the consequences!" Eiri was sitting on the bed facing away from him and Shuuichi snuggled up to his back, draping his arms over him. "Will you promise to say it at least once a day?"

"No."

"Once a week?"

"No."

"Once a month?"

"No."

"Once a year!"

"Maybe."

Shuuichi sighed. "I think we're going to need a compromise here. I want to hear you say you love me everyday, while you only want to say it once a year."

"I only said 'maybe' to that," Eiri interrupted.

Shuuichi ignored him. "Can you agree to make it once a month?" Before Eiri could say anything, Shuuichi continued. "And I mean once per calendar month. You can't just say it twelve times in one day and then not say it for another year."

"You've thought about this a lot, haven't you?"

"I've had a lot of time to think about it. So, will you?"

It seemed silly to Eiri, but he could tell that his lover was serious about this, and he knew the younger man could be quite stubborn when he wanted to be. "Okay, yeah, whatever." He was surprised when he found Shuuichi sitting next to him and tilting his face toward his, forcing Eiri to see the sheer determination in his eyes.

"Don't just 'yeah, whatever' me. You have to promise. Please."

This was one battle of the willpowers that Eiri could see he had no chance of winning. He looked back at his lover with the same seriousness Shuuichi was exuding. "I, Yuki Eiri, legally known as Uesugi Eiri, do hereby solemnly swear to declare my love for one Shindou Shuuichi once per month for the rest of our lives." The last part had slipped out unintentionally and seemed to echo through the room as both sat in silence staring at each other. 'For the rest of our lives.' Eiri used to believe that he wasn't capable of caring for anyone enough to spend his life with them, but now without even thinking about it he had declared his intention to do just that with Shuuichi. It actually didn't seem like such a bad idea to him anymore.

Shuuichi seemed more than satisfied with the answer his lover had given and wrapped his arms tightly around him. "I'm gonna hold you to that." He placed a soft kiss on Eiri's lips, and his lover responded with forceful passion by lying him down and rolling on top of him, interlacing their fingers together as he pinned him to the bed. Before they got any more intimate, Shuuichi placed a finger on Eiri's lips to stop him. "Hey, Yuki?"

"What?"

Shuuichi lifted his left hand still intertwined with Eiri's right hand, bringing attention to the shiny silver objects adorning his middle finger and Eiri's ring finger. "What do these rings mean?"

Finally Shuuichi had brought up the question Eiri had been dreading having to answer for the entire past week. Before he wasn't sure what he would say when his lover asked the inevitable question, but after what had happened that day he felt like he finally had the answer. "They mean exactly what you think they mean."

The violet eyes grew nearly as wide as they had when Eiri had first admitted his love to Shuuichi. A giant grin quickly overtook his entire face. "Oh, Yuki!" The younger man squealed as he threw his arms around Eiri once more. It was hard to believe that after going two years without even saying he loved Shuuichi, Eiri was now pretty much admitting that he felt like the two of them were married. Sure, Shuuichi had been referring to himself as Eiri's wife ever since they had moved in together, but for someone as emotionally guarded as Eiri to say something of the same magnitude was a very big deal. He wondered how far his lover was willing to go with the issue he had inadvertently started when he bought those matching rings. "Hey, Yuki? Would it be all right if I got this ring resized? I'd like to be able to wear it on the 'proper' finger."

"If you want to, go ahead. When you do, I'll move mine over to my other hand."

Shuuichi hadn't believed Eiri could unload any more revelations that would completely shock him, but the older man had once again proven him wrong. It astonished him that a man who seemed to shun tradition as much as Eiri would actually be willing to do something like wear a wedding ring to symbolize their commitment to each other. Then again, Eiri and Shuuichi weren't exactly a traditional couple, so maybe making such a commitment to another man was another way for Eiri to send a big 'fuck you' to mainstream society. Or maybe Shuuichi was over thinking things and his lover was just going with what he felt in his heart for once. He smiled at the man above him. "We'll look for a jewelry store tomorrow, then." Shuuichi placed his hands on the sides of the blonde man's face and pulled him down into a kiss.

As Eiri returned his lover's passion eagerly, he mentally berated himself. 'What the hell am I doing, playing into Shuuichi's silly marriage fantasies? Why bother pretending to be something that we legally can't be?' Another voice appeared berating him, but this one with a more impish tone. 'So why'd you get those rings in the first place, dumbass? And _wedding rings_, no less! What did you expect him to think? And what were _you_ thinking?' God, had he really fallen so stupidly in love with Shuuichi that he had actually started to believe in that "happily ever after" crap he had long loathed to hear others prattle on about? How could he maintain his reputation as a cynical writer of tragic romances while living out a happy domestic life with the love of his life? He smirked inwardly. 'Face it, you've already been doing that for quite some time now, and you know damn well you have no intention of stopping.' It's not like wearing wedding rings was going to change anything between them, but the gesture still carried significant meaning as to how seriously both of them were taking their relationship. It was very...sweet. 'The great Yuki Eiri-sama should never do anything that can be construed as sweet, god dammit!' But he had. Sigh. Shuuichi had really changed him.

While deep in thought, Eiri had barely noticed that Shuuichi had begun to undress him. Once Eiri was completely nude, the younger man flipped over on top of him so Eiri could return the favor. Shuuichi took his lips away from his lover's and began kissing his neck, slowly working his way down his chest and stomach, stopping just short of his erect manhood. He took Eiri into his mouth and began to gently work him with his lips and tongue, causing the older man to sigh contentedly and run his fingers through Shuuichi's hair as he bobbed up and down. Shuuichi's skill at oral sex had been increasing drastically as of late, even to the point where Eiri felt he could get off rather quickly that way. He preferred for sex to be a little more extensive than having both parties come as quickly as possible, so he pulled Shuuichi's head up before he felt like he was going to climax.

"It's no good for just one of us to have all the fun. Turn around, I'll do you, too." The younger man readjusted himself so he was on top of Eiri straddling his face in the sixty-nine position. Shuuichi continued his sucking of Eiri's erection while Eiri began to lightly kiss and lick at his lover's own arousal. He knew that Shuuichi reacted _very_ strongly to oral stimulation of his penis, so Eiri couldn't really do anything more than tease him unless he wanted to him to climax in no time flat. Even from giving his lover barely any stimulation at all he could feel the reverberations from the younger man's moans through his own erection. He rather liked the way it felt, and so the two continued in their somewhat unfair arrangement of Shuuichi working hard to pleasure Eiri by thrusting him in and out of his mouth enthusiastically while Eiri merely laid back and made no strenuous effort beyond occasionally taking the head of Shuuichi's penis into his mouth and sucking at it lightly.

Finally Shuuichi had had enough. "Dammit, Yuki, do you have to be such a cock tease? I'm working my ass off trying to get you off and you're not even trying!"

"And you're doing a good job for once. Don't worry about what I'm doing to you. Enduring all this teasing is going to make it feel even better once I really get serious about pleasuring you."

"Well, why can't you just get serious now so we both get pleasure?"

"Because I know if I give you a real blowjob you'll be coming all over my face in twenty seconds."

"Twenty seconds? Come on, that's ridiculous."

"You're right. Knowing you, it'd probably be more like fifteen."

"I know I come too fast sometimes, and I'm trying to stop doing that, but I doubt even you could make me come that quickly."

Shuuichi should have learned by now not to challenge Eiri since the older man relished in proving him wrong. "Well, we won't know unless we try it, will we? Does that watch of yours have a timer?"

"Yeah."

"Then get it ready."

"You're serious?"

"Of course. You ready?"

"Uh, yeah, just a sec." Shuuichi pressed a couple of buttons on his watch and laid back on the bed. "Okay."

Eiri quickly plunged Shuuichi's erection as deeply into his mouth as he could without gagging. He moved his head swiftly up and down and used his tongue for increased stimulation. His lover began to moan and grip the sheets in ecstasy almost immediately.

"Ah...oh, Yuki...that feels good...too good...oh, Yuki, wait, I'm...Ah!"

Eiri was caught off guard and nearly choked when a flood of Shuuichi's ejaculate hit the back of his throat. He managed to swallow but was then stricken by an intense coughing fit.

"Yuki! Are you okay? Let me get you some water." Shuuichi ran over to the sink and quickly filled a glass to bring back to his lover. "Here."

Eiri chugged the contents of the glass and let out a loud gasp of air. "Holy shit, Shuuichi, I was half joking about that. I didn't really expect that you would be _that_ fast. What was the time, anyway?"

Shuuichi's eyes went wide as he looked at the time recorded on his watch.

"What? Was I right about it being fifteen seconds?"

"No...it was fourteen."

Eiri chuckled. "You really are hopeless."

The singer blushed. "Well, I didn't expect you to be so good." He looked to his lover suspiciously. "Why _are_ you so good at that, anyway? I thought you didn't have experience with other men."

"I don't, but I've had enough good blowjobs in the past to know how they should be done."

"Hmph. Well, even if I can't always give you head as good as you'd like me to, I still know of other ways to get you off." Shuuichi began to kiss Eiri as he pushed him back into a prone position on the bed and ran a slender hand down his lover's stomach, taking his erection into his hand and slowly stroking it up and down. It was hard for Eiri to determine which action was more pleasurable to him since Shuuichi had developed into a fantastic kisser who knew how to drive him wild with just the slightest movements of his lips and tongue. He started out kissing Eiri normally but then slowly began to back off, forcing Eiri to become increasingly more aggressive. Just as Shuuichi's involvement in the kiss had become almost unbearably passive and soft, he suddenly came back at Eiri's lips forcefully, matching the intensity and passion of his lover. He simultaneously increased the speed of his hand movements and felt Eiri moan against his lips as he climaxed into his hand.

Shuuichi giggled and brought his hand up to his mouth, licking his fingers sensually. "Looks like I'm not the only one who can come really fast."

"That was at least a minute, not just a few seconds. But it doesn't really matter, because..." Eiri crawled on top of Shuuichi and pinned him to the bed once more. "I'm not even close to being through with you yet."

o o o o o o o o o o

There were no fancy decorations. No cake, no flowers, no stacks of gifts. No supporters or detractors, family or friends, and no one officiating. There were no legal documents attached, no religious texts to bless them with. They were standing in a hotel room wearing their street clothes. They weren't even in their own country.

None of these things mattered to the two men involved. It was still a wedding ceremony to them.

Eiri hadn't planned on making a big deal out their decision to wear the rings he had bought as proper wedding rings. Hell, he was just going to slip the ring onto Shuuichi's finger right there at the jeweler's once it had gotten resized, but the younger man seemed appalled at the idea of not doing something special to commemorate the occasion. So there they were in their hotel room the day before they were set to leave New York, holding each other's hands and staring at each other.

"So, what do we do now?"

"Come on, don't be silly, Yuki, this is when we recite our wedding vows."

"...we were supposed to write wedding vows?"

"Of course! Don't you know how a wedding works? You have got to be the worst romance novelist _ever_."

"There's a difference between not knowing and not caring. Besides, the only weddings I've ever been to have been Buddhist ceremonies, so I don't have any experience with the weird Shinto-Christian hybrid events that a lot of people seem to go for."

"Well, here's how it goes: we each say our vows professing our eternal love for each other, we exchange rings, and then we kiss. You think you can handle all that?"

The blonde rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'll try." More silence followed. "So...why don't you start us off, since this was your idea and all."

"Okay..." Eiri was surprised by how nervous and hesitant Shuuichi suddenly looked. It's not like what they were doing was official or anything. Still, apparently it meant a lot to his young lover. "It's kind of hard to believe how things have worked out for me. Ever since junior high I dreamed of making it big in the music business, and thanks to the help of Hiro and everyone else I was able to accomplish that. But around the same time we started to become successful as Bad Luck, something unexpected happened to me: I fell in love. Unfortunately for everyone else, sometimes love got in the way of my work. Even if you didn't realize it, you had the power to control my every mood with each word you spoke. I know my dedication as a singer sometimes suffered because of this, but you know what? It doesn't really bother me, because you mean so much to me. No matter what influence you have on me, good or bad, I want to be with you. Even during times when things were difficult between us, I never stopped loving you.

"I've believed for some time now that we belong together. We've been drawn together by a force that's even stronger than fate or destiny. The problem was that I wasn't sure whether you would ever feel the same way about me. From what you'd told me, I didn't think you believed in the idea of spending your whole life with just one person. But you've changed. I'm so glad that you've finally told me how you feel. It means a lot to me." Shuuichi looked up to Eiri, his eyes shining with happy tears. "It's almost unbelievable that you've decided to take this next step forward with me, and I'm excited at the idea of being with you forever. And so, with these words, I dedicate myself to spending my entire life at your side."

Eiri was smiling. He couldn't help it. Shuuichi was just so adorable, and his words, while a little cheesy for Eiri's taste, were heartwarming. Since he hadn't actually planned any vows, he didn't feel like he had a whole lot to say in return. "You have completely altered the course of my life, Shuuichi. And I couldn't be more grateful." Shuuichi seemed satisfied with the older man's short but sweet reply and slid the thin silver band he had been holding onto Eiri's left ring finger. As soon as the older man reciprocated the action, he found himself under a passionate assault from Shuuichi's lips, though a very different sort of passion from the type he was used to that was meant to lead directly to sex. It was a joyful passion that emanated from his lover's very core, and it was apparently infectious since Eiri felt pretty elated himself. Then again, maybe his feelings were a result of what they had just done. It didn't really matter. The two men broke off their kiss and then simply stood with their arms around each other. Eiri could feel the younger man shaking as he held back sobs and let out a sigh. "It's okay. You can cry if you want to."

Shuuichi unburied his head from Eiri's chest and looked up at him with shimmering eyes. "I'm all right. I was just feeling a little...overwhelmed." The younger man cleared his throat and quickly rid himself of any signs that he had come close to breaking down. "So...what do you think we should do now to celebrate our new bond?"

"Well, we could go out and have a nice, expensive dinner together, or we could do some more sightseeing, or we could consummate our relationship with hot sex, or we could..." Shuuichi gave his answer as he tackled Eiri and practically forced him onto the bed. Apparently he was interested in doing a little sightseeing of the hotel room ceiling...

Some time later, Eiri lit up an "after sex" cigarette and took a deep drag as he lounged naked on the bed. Shuuichi was sitting next to him looking like an excited child, his eyes lit up with glee.

"Can you believe it, Yuki? Did we really do that?"

Eiri released a puff of smoke. "Yeah. I don't know what I was thinking."

Shuuichi giggled. "Well, _I_ know what you were thinking. You knew that you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, that's what."

"Is that so?"

"Yes! And now we're gonna live happily together forever and ever"

"Really?"

"Of course! Because we're totally in love and meant to be together." The pink-haired man began twisting the ring around his finger absently. "Oh, my god, can you imagine how everyone will react when we tell them? 'Hi Hiro, hi Fujisaki, I had a wonderful time in New York. I saw some great sights, ate some awesome food, and, oh yeah, me and Yuki got married!' They're gonna totally freak!"

Eiri chuckled. "Make sure you get Seguchi's reaction on film. I'm sure it'll be priceless."

Shuuichi smiled broadly and suddenly wrapped his arms around Eiri and squeezed him tightly. "Oh, Yuki, I love you so much! I just feel like screaming it out to the whole world!"

"Well, make sure I'm not around when you do. I've already heard enough of your screaming to permanently damage my hearing."

"Okay, maybe I don't need to _scream_ it, but I'm just so full of passion I feel like I'm gonna burst. It's like my heart is filled with song."

"You're just full of cliches today, aren't you?"

"No, I really mean it. I actually feel like writing a song. Ever since you told me my lyrics sucked I've had a really hard time writing, but right now I don't even care about that. I've just got words and melodies floating through my head that are just begging to be let out."

"I don't suppose I have a choice in whether I have to listen or not?"

"Of course not. We're married now, we're supposed to share _everything_. Now, listen up." Shuuichi cleared his throat and let a gentle tune spill forth from his lips.

"_We've come so far  
And loved so long  
We've been through so much  
And overcame all. _

But after so long  
The time has now come  
You and I  
Have now become one."

Eiri smiled and shook his head. 'Typical Shuuichi lyrics, all emotion and no substance.' "Well, you've got a fairly catchy melody there, but your lyrics need work. It'd be much better if I wrote them."

Shuuichi stared gawk-eyed at the older man. "What? Seriously? You'd write lyrics for me? Even after I rejected your lyrics before?"

Eiri shrugged. "Sure. I can't have you embarrassing me by putting out some crappily written song about our relationship."

The younger man grabbed a pen and a pad of paper from the nightstand and smiled. "Well, let's get started then."

A few hours and a couple of "creativity sparking" lovemaking sessions later, the writer and the singer had penned a song that both were satisfied with.

"This is so great!" Shuuichi said excitedly, looking at the several tiny sheets of paper that their song was spread out over (some parts nearly illegible due to the fact that they were written down _during_ sex). "I can't believe we work so well together! We really should have done this sooner." He grinned and began swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "Hey, Yuki, maybe we could use this song as a sort of 'coming out' to the public."

"I think we already did that last year on TV."

"I meant coming out about getting married."

"You think we should do that? Even the weirdo fangirls might not be so accepting about something like this."

"It's not like we're trying to make a political statement or something. It doesn't matter whether the whole world tells us we're wrong to call ourselves a married couple. _We_ know how we feel about each other, and no one can take that away from us. And since we do plan to stay together, it's only right that we let people know about it. We've got no reason to hide."

"Well, I guess if we made it into some sort of publicity stunt it might soften the blow for Seguchi," Eiri said with a smirk. Both men jumped a little as the phone rang for the first time since they had arrived at the hotel a week earlier.

"I wonder who that could be? I thought you didn't tell anyone where we were staying."

"I didn't. It must be the front desk calling to confirm our wakeup call for tomorrow morning or something." The blonde reached over and picked up the phone. "Hello?" Hearing the voice on the other end, he switched over to speaking Japanese. "Well, speak of the devil...Never mind...Anyway, how the hell did you get this number, Seguchi?...Huh?...She did? When?...Well, that's good...Yeah, our flight's tomorrow, so we'll be back in a day or so. Try not to smother her too much by the time we get there. See you then, and good luck, Daddy." Eiri hung up the receiver and turned to Shuuichi. "Looks like you're not the only new member joining the family today."

o o o o o o o o o o

The doorbell was ringing. Eiri was in bed. Shuuichi was taking a bath. Eiri began silently wishing death to the person at the door disturbing his rest. The doorbell began to ring more insistently. Eiri sighed. Obviously there was no way he was going to be allowed to go back to sleep, so he begrudgingly rose from the bed, picked up a pair of boxers from the floor and lumbered over to the front door. He was less than surprised to see the faces of the Seguchi clan staring back at him upon opening the door.

"Good afternoon, Eiri-san, or I guess from the look of you I should be saying 'good morning' instead." Touma coughed awkwardly when he took in the younger blonde's full appearance and Mika quickly shielded the eyes of the young girl standing next to her.

"For God's sake, Eiri, can't you at least manage to get up before noon when you know we have plans today? And would it kill you to put on a pair of pants to answer the door instead of waltzing around in your revealing little short-shorts?" his older sister scolded him.

Eiri felt he was way too old to still be receiving lectures. "Revealing?" He didn't consider boxers to be inappropriate attire for answering the door since he had been quite sure it was probably just his family anyway. Now that he was a little more awake, he did begin to feel that his underwear seemed a bit shorter and tighter than normal and looked down at himself. Apparently he had accidentally grabbed Shuuichi's boxers instead. "Fine, I'll go change. Wait in the living room." As he made his way back to the bedroom, he heard a shout from the bath.

"Hey, Yuki, who was at the door?"

"Seguchi, my sister, and Maki-chan."

"Really? Maki-chan is here?"

"Yeah. They're in the living room." Eiri continued his way back to the bedroom where he dressed in a button-up shirt and slacks--along with a pair of his _own_ underwear--and joined his sister, brother-in-law and five-year-old niece in the living room of the home he shared with Shuuichi. He walked over to the young girl sitting on the couch and knelt down to her level, giving her the gentle smile that was reserved only for her. "Hi there."

Maki smiled back at him. "Hi, Uncle Eiri."

"What's that you've got there?" Eiri inquired, peering at the small pink object the girl was cradling.

"It's a Kumagorou key chain. I won it at the arcade, all by myself! I wanna give it to Uncle Tatsuha 'cause he likes Kumagorou so much."

Eiri nearly laughed out loud. His younger brother had developed an even more acute obsession for anything and everything relating to Ryuuichi ever since his favorite idol had gone to America to pursue an acting career. His amazing level of success, including becoming the first Japanese person to be nominated for an Academy Award in acting, meant that he hadn't come back to Japan in quite some time, which was quite a blow to Tatsuha who had become accustomed to seeing Ryuuichi in person at least occasionally since his brother-in-law had been in the same band. Though Maki readily accepted the relationship between Eiri and Shuuichi, he doubted she had any idea why a grown man like Tatsuha had such a fixation on furry pink bunny rabbits. "I'm sure he'll love it."

Mika looked at her watch. "Speaking of Tatsuha, we're supposed to be meeting him at the restaurant in fifteen minutes. We need to hurry if we're going to make it in time."

"I'm sure Shuuichi will be quick getting ready, since he knows a certain _someone_ is here," Eiri said, looking to the child in front of him. Shuuichi always loved spending time with the young girl.

As if being summoned by the mention of his name, a pink flash came darting down the hallway. "Where's my cute little niece?"

"Uncle Shuuichi!" The little girl nearly knocked Eiri over as she jumped up and ran over to Shuuichi, leaping into his arms.

"Hi there," Shuuichi said, laughing as he twirled around with her. "Have you been a good little girl lately?"

"Of course!"

"Do you know what happens to good little girls?"

"No, what?"

"They get...candy!" He pulled out a lollipop from his shirt pocket and gave it to the squealing young girl.

"You're so cool, Uncle Shuuichi!"

"There's more where that came from, but you have to find it using the candy radar. Tell the candy radar which direction to go, and it'll beep to let you know how close you are."

"Okay. Candy radar, go left!"

Shuuichi turned to the left. "Beep...beep...beep."

"Turn around!"

"Beep beep beep."

"Go forward! To the kitchen!"

"Beep beep beep beep!" The two disappeared into the kitchen as the two blonde men in the living room chuckled. Mika was wearing a motherly expression that practically screamed "no candy before a meal" but a silent conversation with Touma kept her from interrupting her daughter's fun.

The older blonde man smiled at Eiri as he watched him get up from his kneeling position and take a seat on the couch. "It's remarkable how her favorite uncle is the one who's not even related to her by blood."

"It's not surprising. She just picked the one who's closest to her in mental age," Eiri said as he pulled a cigarette from the pack lying on the coffee table.

The two topics of conversation reentered the room with the younger one now gleefully clutching a couple handfuls of suckers.

"Now Maki, dear, you know that candy is a special treat that you can't eat just any time. Come put it in Mommy's purse and you can have some later."

"Yes, Mommy." The young girl begrudgingly handed the candy over to her mother, almost certain that hardly any of it would actually make it back to her.

Touma stood up from the chair he had been seated in. "Well, shall we get going, then?"

Since the restaurant wasn't too far from Eiri and Shuuichi's house and it was a nice day outside, they decided to walk. Touma, Mika and Eiri had formed the "grown-up group" and were walking slightly ahead of the "kid's group" consisting of Shuuichi and Maki. The young girl had trouble keeping up with her short legs, so Shuuichi knelt down in front of her, offering his back.

"Come on, I'll give you a piggyback ride." Maki tentatively latched on to her uncle's back and squealed as she was lifted up.

"Wow, Uncle Shuuichi, it's so high! How scary! Hey, isn't it scary to be grown up and so far from the ground?"

"If you think _this_ is scary, you should see how things look from Uncle Eiri's view. He's _really_ high up."

"Ooh, I wanna see!"

"Well, if you think you can handle it, we'll use Uncle Eiri for some..." Shuuichi ran forward and interrupted an unsuspecting Eiri's pleasant conversation as he leapt up and attached himself to his back. "...double piggyback!"

"Gah, what the hell are you doing, you damn brat? You trying to break my back or something?"

"But Maki-chan wanted to see what it's like to be really high up, so I was showing her," the younger man said, obviously pouting even though Eiri couldn't see his face.

"In that case, I'm happy to let her see for herself, but that doesn't mean you and your extra weight need to come along for the ride." Shuuichi jumped down and Eiri plucked Maki from his back and placed the little girl on his own shoulders. "There you go. How's that?"

"Woah, it's _really_ high!"

Touma chuckled. "I must say, Eiri-san, I never would have pegged you as the type to be good with children."

"Of course I can deal with kids. I've been living with one for seven years."

"Hey, I _heard_ that!"

"Well, good for you, your ears work." Even after so many years together, the two men showed no signs of tiring of the old bait-and-insult game.

The group soon reached the restaurant where Tatsuha was already waiting for them. "Hi Uncle Tatsuha!" Maki ran over to her youngest uncle and held out her hands. "Looky what I brought for you. It's a Kumagorou to come play with all the others you have!"

The dark-haired man took the proffered pink rabbit and snuggled it to his face, the occasional utterance of "My Honey Ryuuichi" being made audible. He looked at the young girl with a dramatic tear in his eye. "Thank you so much, Maki-chan. I will treasure this forever!"

"All right, let's get to our table and eat already," Mika said, getting impatient from witnessing yet another display of her youngest brother's undying obsession for the unattainable idol.

After everyone had ordered their drinks and meals, Touma turned to Shuuichi. "You know, Shindou-san, I got a look at the single sales chart that's going to be released tomorrow."

"Really? And?"

"Unfortunately, your song fell to number two this week."

"Ah, man. I was sure we were headed for a record."

"Well, five weeks is still pretty impressive for a band that's been around as long as Bad Luck. Besides, I don't think anything could top the popularity of the first song you and Eiri-san put out together."

The song Shuuichi and Eiri wrote on the day of their marriage had turned out to be an incredible hit, turning out the kind of sales numbers previously achieved only by Nittle Grasper in its heyday. It was such a success that Touma made the suggestion that the two of them create a new song each year on their anniversary since it would help keep Bad Luck in the public eye by giving the fans something to look forward to every year. Eiri found it a bit tacky to essentially sell-out their relationship once per year for the purpose of selling more records, but Shuuichi thought the idea was romantic, so Eiri felt he had no choice but to go along with it. Touma's theory turned out to be correct: even as the popularity of Bad Luck waxed and waned over the years, Eiri and Shuuichi's anniversary songs always turned out to be big hits, partly because they attracted fans of Eiri's novels and boy's love fangirls along with Bad Luck's own fan base. Their recent fifth anniversary song had seemed to be almost as popular as their initial "coming out" song, but any hopes of it surpassing the original's run at the top of the charts had been dashed by Touma's revelation.

"You two have written enough songs now that we could put out a Bad Luck-Yuki Eiri mini-album. Or, if we add in a couple of remixes and karaoke versions we could even make it a full-length album. I'm sure the sales numbers would be tremendous."

"Hmm, well, we could also wait a few years until Yuki and I have written enough to put out a full-length album of just the songs themselves. Ten might be a good number, what do you think, Yuki?"

"I think I need a cigarette just at the thought of spending that much more time with you." He reached into his shirt pocket only to find it empty. "Damn, I must have left them at home."

"You can have one of mine if you want," Mika said, pulling out a pack.

"Nah, I prefer Alfa's. There's a vending machine near here, I'll go pick some up." After Eiri had gotten up and left the restaurant, he sensed a familiar presence following behind him. "You don't have to follow me like a sick puppy everywhere I go, you brat."

Shuuichi stood with his hands on his hips. "I'm twenty-six now, you know. Isn't it about time you stopped calling me a brat?"

"It's a matter of maturity, not age."

Seeming to ignore the older man's gibe, Shuuichi attached himself to his arm. "Say, do you know what the date is today?" he asked casually.

"The thirty-first. Why do you..." A realization suddenly dawned on him. "Oh, shit."

Shuuichi knew that Eiri realized what he was getting at but still continued to prompt him. "Is there something you've forgotten to do this month?"

"I can't believe you took that seriously. It was just a joke."

"Not to me it wasn't. You made a promise, and I'm going to make sure you keep it."

Eiri sighed. "Do I have to do it right now?"

"Yes."

Another sigh. "Fine." They stopped in front of the vending machine and Eiri turned to Shuuichi, placing his hands on his shoulders. "I love you, Shuuichi."

The younger man squealed and threw his arms around him. "Hee hee, I love it so much when you say that. Say it again!"

"Next month."

"Wah, you're no fun! Don't you want to make me hap-" He was surprised as Eiri's lips suddenly cut him off. Not caring that they were in public, he eagerly and passionately returned the kiss. Shuuichi giggled when they finally broke it off. "Did you ever imagine back when we first me that seven years later we'd be making out in front of a cigarette vending machine in broad daylight on the busy streets of Tokyo?"

Eiri grinned. "Never in my wildest dreams." Back then he had been incapable of thinking about the future. He had lived his life day to day, seeking out things that gave him instant gratification with no long-term consequences. But then Shuuichi came along and changed that. He had forced him to think about both his past and his future, a tough task for someone accustomed to living in the present. As much as he'd hated to admit it, changing the way he thought about his life had turned out to be good for him. Shuuichi had taught him that thinking about and even anticipating what the future held could be far more fulfilling than he had ever imagined. Even though there were things about the future that would always be unclear, there was one bright spot in the form of Shuuichi.

In his life, that was all he needed.

o o o o o o o o o o

THE END

Eiri: Help me! Help!

Spazz: What's wrong?

Eiri: I'm drowning in a sea of sap (Glub glub glub)

Shuuichi: Don't worry, I'll save you with mouth to mouth!

Spazz: Err, okay, maybe Yuki-sama has a point. This is incredibly fluffy, even by my standards, but...I can't help it! They just seemed so happy at the end of the manga! And what did you expect me to do with the fact that they were wearing rings? Come on! But anyway, enough about that, I bet some of you are wondering why this chapter took so long when I've (for once!) actually been doing a good job of getting chapters out in a timely manner. Well, I've now become a member of the gainfully employed, leaving me a lot less time for fic writing (and, like many of my other friends who have also graduated from college, my job has absolutely nothing to do with my chosen major of Japanese :P). In addition to that, I'm getting married this August, and the wedding planning has officially kicked into the oh-my-god-I've-got-five-million-things-to-do-how-in-the-world-will-I-get-it-all-done freak out stage. I'm seriously starting to envy Yuki-sama and Shuu-chan's hotel room elopement...that would have been a whole lot easier...

Shuuichi: I would have made a beautiful bride, though.

Spazz: Err, I'm sure you would have, Shuu-chan o.O But anyway, even though this chapter took over a month, the entire fic was written in a little over three months, which is good for me since I've gone that long between _updates_ in my previous fics. Other fun fic facts: I was planning for this to be a pretty short fic, so wouldn't you know that it actually ended up being my _longest_ one (though, technically, it's still the shortest chapter-wise). I just can't seem to get enough of proving myself wrong :P

Eiri: Well, I can prove you wrong some more if you like.

Spazz: No, you'll be an ass about it! Anyway, now we get to the part where I talk about future fic plans. Uh, if you read my last fic, you may remember me mentioning a Dragonball fic that I've been thinking about for several years...yeah, that's still in my head somewhere :PIt will come out, eventually. Veggie-sama needs his lovin'!

Vegeta: (Appears) Stop mentioning me in all your fics, damn woman!

Spazz: Yeah, yeah...so, I guess that's all from me for now. Maybe some people who were putting off this fic for fear of spoilers will want to read it now that Volume 12 is out in English. But I hope everyone enjoyed it, I think this is the most fun I've ever had writing a fic. Bye bye!

Eiri: Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Shuuichi: And remember these wise words spoken by a young singer in love: Yuki is miiiiine!


End file.
